Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Appreciate Your Life

I often wonder how many people truly take the time to reflect on all that is good in their lives. With the stress of everyday life, do you find that people more often than not tend to voice their frustrations, their disappointments or their jealousies of others? It is natural of course. To vent your frustrations as it needs to get out. But, how often do people actually take the time to reflect on the good?

This thought hit home for me today as I watched a fellow coworker attempt to come back for her first day of work after losing her husband suddenly to a heart attack over a week ago. She thought that she was doing well, but just trying to get back into a routine of her normal life, brought back a flood of memories and glaringly obvious absences. Absences like no one to tell her how much they loved her as she left for work, to arriving at work and seeing a picture of the love of her life starring at her as she turned on her computer. As I stood there in her work space holding her as she was overcome with a fresh wave of grief, I couldn't help but cry too. Cry for her losses, the changes that she must face to move on and of all of the losses that I had experienced in life. The thing is, you never really get over death. Death will always affect you in your life and it is natural to grieve even when perhaps years have passed.

I grieve still. I grieve for the teenage girl who lost her daddy at the age of 13. I grieve for the woman who never got to know her daddy as an adult. I grieve that my children will never meet this man that I have placed so high on a pedestal that no superhero could ever measure up to him. I grieve that I lost my belief in romance and love to a greedy man that struggled with his own demons and felt that he must punish me for his sins. I grieve for a boyfriend who thought that his life was so bleak, that he took his own life thinking that he was sparing the loved ones in his life from his pain and misery. I grieve for the three angels that Paul and I lost due to miscarriages and always wonder what gender they would have been. I grieve about a lot.

Having said that, I also have an incredible appreciation for life. I appreciate that I have a family and a wealth of friends who love me and accept me for the person I am. I appreciate that I am married to an amazing man that I will share the rest of my life with and the best part is that he loves me unconditionally. Just when I didn't believe in relationships, here I get hit smack dab in the forehead with love and it is still going strong after 14 years. I more than appreciate this privilege of being a mother. Being a mom alone, makes the journey of my life up to this point worth every single heartache, tear and laughter that came out of this body.

A woman by the name of Stephanie Klein posted on her blog the question: Are you really happy?

http://stephanieklein.blogs.com
greek_tragedy/2006/11/are_you_happy

She was going to ask random people in her life this question; whether it were a nurse or grocery store clerk, whomever crossed her path, she was going to ask. It was interesting to read the feedback from people who made a point of commenting. There were many who felt that they would be offended if posed this question by a stranger.

So ask me. Am I happy? Like truly happy? ABSOLUTELY! I would not trade one moment or experience in my life as it has shaped me to be the person that I am today. My life has brought me to this point of pure bliss and contentment. I am a rich woman. Rich in a wonderful husband, a gorgeous son, and a baby on the way. Rich with family and friends who love me, a house over my head, food on my table and clothes on my back.

Sure I can covet things that I would like, but that doesn't change the fact that I am happy. Truly happy with my life.

3 comments:

Debbie said...

Allie,

Keep me on the up and up when I feel crappy about being home "all day long" with my girls. Does it get any better than this? I am blessed beyond anything I ever expected to have in my life so don't let me bitch and moan too much OK?

Thanks for a great post...

goofball said...

I am happy!!

StephieCee22 said...

Unbelievable how you can put the words I have been thinking everydaylately into a blog and make it sound so truly breath taking. I admire you Allie and look at you as an idol and a mentor for myself. Keep trecking; it's all we can do.