Wednesday, June 02, 2010

An Apple A Day, Keeps the Doctor Away

Huh. After months of prolonged absence, sporadic postings and mucho complaining, it appears that I am a lucky girl indeed. I DO have people who actually read my feeble attempts of putting life's challenges into words from the perspective of an often lonely, overworked, flighty yet dramatic housewife. And I do thank you from the bottom of my heart for caring, reading and leaving a comment whether it is on this site, or via the standard lurker format of an email or threatening phone call accusing me of leaving the planet Earth.

So, what has brought all of this on? Well, to be truthful, I wish it were something adventurous like living through a temperamental volcano mood swing like my good buddy Dader is experiencing right now. Or even something as distinguished as Goofball has suggested like publishing a book chronicling my life's most humbling and embarrassing moments to even suggesting that I am NASA's newest employee. I wish. I would make a most excellent astronaut and would be the first to volunteer to be hooked up to a hose and fix an external blip of our shuttle. And no, however I may dream for an "oops" moment to occur much to my husband's horror, there will not be another playmate for my children. I think my husband would rather conquer his fear of heights by bungee jumping off of the Eiffel Tower than be informed that he is going to be a Daddy again.

Instead, this exciting announcement is all about me, personally. You see, for the past two years I have struggled. I have struggled with feeling like a failure for not being able to obtain employment, so taking the bull by the horns, I took upon opening a daycare within my home. Two years later, I am done with it. It has been an excellent experience for me and a privilege to care for other people's children but my days were getting too long. Particularly during the golf season when my husband is never around. I was beginning to get resentful of never having me time. For being around children 24/7 and always making meals, cleaning the house or doing yardwork. It has taken me a long time to accept the truth that I am not the special kind of person that is needed to be able to do that kind of stuff. Instead, I want to appreciate every moment with my children without feeling resentful of being around them all of the time. I want to enjoy my house. I want to feel happy and not beaten down. I want to be social and not being too tired or touched out to do so. So my doors are officially closing in that chapter of my life labelled DAYHOME, come the end of the month.

Now I get to focus on the next chapter of my life: OFFICE MOTHER. I received a fantastic opportunity that I am super grateful to have been approached with and ultimately offered employment. Commencing the beginning of July, I will be working on a part time basis for an Ear, Nose, Throat Specialist's office. I will be trained in all aspects of the working environment short of being a surgery assistant. I will be able to utilize my rusty administrative skills, my overachieving organizations skills and fulfill that need for socializing by offering positive yet compassionate customer service to all of the doctor's patients. Within two years, my position will phase into full time (if I want) and it is with hopes of both parties (mine and the doctor) that we evolve into a stellar team that can conquer all medical challenges within that field for years to come. The doc and I are of the same age, with our children the same age, so ideally, he is hoping that I will remain with him up until time of his retirement. So, Miss Sara, no, this means that we will not be moving back to Calgary anytime soon, unless Paul is offered some swanky high paying job.

Most importantly out of all of this, is that I am feeling like I am getting control of my life again. Already the excitement is there to learn and do something challenging and new. I am looking forward to having the opportunity to do things at my son's school (because I will only be working part time), as well as at my daughter's, who will begin preschool come the fall. It means that will be able to spend time with my children and enjoy every moment of life with them again. I can focus solely upon them rather than having to share my time with them and other children. It means that I could have time for me and do things for me like start up running again or have a coffee date with a friend. For the first time in two years, life feels full of possibilities again rather than feeling like I am stuck in a rut. I look back upon our life since moving to Cranbrook and while I feel blessed with all that I have, it has been hard. It has been disappointing and it has been lonely. I found myself seeking validation and the need for appreciation being so alone but I was never finding what I was looking for. In the big picture, we are all busy. We are all overworked and have days where we feel totally unappreciated. I was dreaming of changing it, but was never given any kind of opportunity to do so ..... until now.

I feel so liberated. I feel so happy. There is a new spring in my step and I feel like I can conquer the world and all of the challenges that come with it. So, when I hit that first hurdle in the next few months and begin to question the whys of it all, just give me a gentle nudge okay? And, perhaps just maybe send me the link to this post to remind me of my own words and the feeling of this moment.

Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Shhhh .....

Shhhh ..... lets see if anyone reads this blog still. Something super exciting is about to happen in my life.

The first one to ask is the first one to receive the answer .....