Thursday, May 08, 2008

This Early Bird Won't Be Catching A Worm .... Ever

5:00 AM TODAY: Flutter, flutter, crash, bang, meoowwww ...... What the heck was that? Forcing hubby to get up and check it out, he comes back and jokingly says that dealing with sick kids is not going to be our only problem today and tells me to go and check out the living room, specifically the fireplace. In irritated wonder, I stumble into the living room only to be greeted with this:

How the stupid bird got down the chimney is beyond my level of comprehension this morning mostly due to a lack of sleep as both kids were up all night sneezing, coughing and crying. So, I am now on my fifth cup of coffee for the morning wondering how the heck I am going to get this stupid robin out of my fireplace. The only conclusion that I have come up with is to try and trap it with Kaelen's butterfly net and then launch it off the deck in hopes that it flies away. Although, I won't attempt this until hubby gets home because if I did attempt this on my own, all hell would break lose. As it stands right now, we are barely hanging on: the cat is still going nuts after five hours of the stupid birds attempts to break through the fireplace doors, Kaelen is excited that he has a new pet yet keeps shooting the fireplace doors and Masyn starts screaming every time the stupid bird flaps it's body against the doors because it scares her.

It is a regular gong show really ..... Oh ... and have I mentioned how much I detest birds? It kind of ranks right up there with worms and snakes.

So .. what kind of exciting things happened in your day so far?

**** UPDATE *****

10:00 AM TODAY: Shockingly, my patience is at it's end (note: HUGE sarcasm here) and Round 1 of the Great Bird Extraction goes to the stupid bird. Leaping upon the brilliant idea from my good friend Debbie, I attempted to smother the bird with an old towel at which point I could pick up and then gently release the little captive to freedom on the deck. This seemed like such a great idea as opposed to mine with using Kaelen's butterfly net and then in a lacrosse like move, launching it off of the deck. Unfortunately, due to my dislike of birds, the little thing stared at me with it's beady eyes and concocted it's own plan of flying at me when I attempted to throw the towel at it. The fireplace is MUCH bigger than I had thought inside and I missed the bird and the damn thing almost found freedom in my house. After a startled high pitch shriek from me, I slammed the fireplace door right in it's face only to think that I killed it. Nope. Instead it is still fluttering around, the cat is still going nuts, Kaelen thinks that this is a fabulous adventure, Masyn is FINALLY sleeping and me? Well I am still grossing out that there is a dirty bird in my fireplace and nursing a scraped, bleeding elbow which I received in my efforts to slam the door shut keeping that evil thing trapped in the fireplace.

**** UPDATE #2 ****

11:30 AM - The Great Bird Extraction - Success!! After at least five aborted tries on my behalf to capture the bird in an area that an elephant could fit in, the kids and I settled in with irritation and waited it out for Super Hubby otherwise known as Super Daddy to come home and save us. And, much to our worshipped beliefs, he did just that. Upon his first unsuccessful attempt and the bird almost winning Round Two with escaped freedom into my house, Kaelen and I decided to map out an escape route. It was quickly decided that we could sprint into his room and slam the door in salvation to protect us from the evil bird. And should the bird somehow break into Kaelen's room, we would have his T-Rex stuffie to protect us. Sadly, I am dead serious about this and in the event the escape route was needed, I probably would have left my child in the dust, trampled on the floor in my attempt of self preservation. Luckily it did not have to come to that as Super Hubby, aka Super Daddy, managed to pin the bird into a towel and then gently release it out on the deck. Thankfully, the stupid bird was smart enough to get away fast for in my desire to get it out of my sight, I might have pulverized it with my broom trying to swoosh it off my deck. And, because I have been accused of being borderline OCD when it comes to cleanliness, I promptly bleached out the fireplace because you know .... you just can't have a few feathers and one drop of bird poop in the pit area.


Anonymous said...

You seriously need to warn me before posting stuff like this.

I almost choked on my coffee....

I can truly picture it all...priceless. So wish I was there! Can you keep it till next weekend?

Anonymous said...



Anonymous said...

I'm going to remember this story for a long time to come! I've already told it a few times and I laugh every time! Glad you got rid of the vicious beast who was probably scared out of its mind!


Goofball said...

hahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaa. I agree with Kaelen: what a great adventure.

so did it poo a lot in your house?

I've been trying to capture a bat in a bedroom once...yyyiiiikes, still gives me shivers.

Peanut Butter and Jelly Boats said...

Hooray for Super Hubby!

Oh I am so jealous of you and all of your coffee drinking!

I once had a bat flying free in my apartment in college- it was not pretty.