Thursday, May 10, 2007

Spring Has Sprung

With the sunshine out and the occasional rain fall, the flowers are blooming, trees a budding and grass is getting green. What else is growing? Miss Masyn is! Okay ... and I will fess up, so it appears is my butt.

Yesterday, the little man and I took Masyn in to check on her weight at the local public health unit. For me, I am neurotic about ensuring my kids get enough moo when breastfeeding and because I am demand feeding with Masyn, that means no pumping for me. It drives me nuts because I am always concerned that she may not be getting enough especially when you see other babies wolf down 5 - 6 ozs of formula per feeding. I find it hard to fathom that her 5 minute barracuda like feeding puts that much in her tummy. Well my friends, it appears that she is doing just fine. Her last weigh in was on April 16 which she was 10 lbs 2 ozs and was 22 inches long. Yesterday: 11 lbs 7 ozs and 23 1/2 inches long!! I convinced myself that I measured her length wrong and even had the nurse double check. I mean, she grew 1 1/2 inches in less than a month!!

And to make it all fun, I always weigh and measure Kaelen. Nothing changed for him since the 16th, he is still 35 lbs and 38 inches in height. What was sad though, was he was very insistent that Mom get on the scale. I was good natured about it last month, wanting to have an idea if I had lost any since birthing Masyn, but knew that there wouldn't be much difference this month. Sigh .... of the 32 lbs that I gained with Masyn, I have only lost 12 of those.

I keep reminding myself that for me to lose weight, I need to do cardio exercise and for me, running will melt the pounds off within a couple of weeks. HOWEVER, when I did attempt to run last week, these massive boulders hanging off my chest were screaming in discomfort and that was even with 2 bras on! I find that I am constantly in a mental battle with myself. The war going on within is that I selfishly want to stop breastfeeding so I can start to exercise hard again, but doing so, I feel guilty that I will be cheating Masyn out of the good nutrients that are obviously doing so well for her. The guilt is strong enough that it wins out and I am going to continue breastfeeding Masyn for a while longer. My hubby tells me not to be so hard on myself; that I only had a baby just under three months ago. But when your clothes don't fit and you wear the same thing everyday, it just gets a little disheartening. Sad really. Sad that I need to be so obsessed with my body image, fueled by the fact that I can't wear my old clothes and that I am too cheap to buy new ones seeing as I am dedicated to lose these 20 luscious pounds.

4 comments:

Peanut Butter and Jelly Boats said...

I go through the same inner battles. I started a workout routine, the weight started to melt off, but then my milk supply suffered. Sigh, nursing comes first, the treadmill will have to wait for me. I think your husband is right, you've JUST had a baby, there's lots of time to loose the weight.

Jenn said...

I'm also with your husband, you just had a baby 3 months ago. Besides you have a lifetime to be thin, but only a limited amount of time to breastfeed your baby. Don't hurry the running, you've got 50 years to do it.

Jenn

Adventures In Babywearing said...

The baby is just 3 months!! I hope you can wait a little longer... my sister in law gave up nursing at 3 WEEKS because she was so obsessed with fitting into her small clothes again. Just so you know, most of us are with you and still have those pounds to lose, but it will come in time!!

(And a sure-fire way to lose some weight while nursing is to cut out all dairy! The pounds flew off me when I did that!)

Steph

christie said...

Oh Allie! So happy for Little P and so sad for you! I know how much you hate wearing the same stuff every day!! I so agree with Jenn tho - you have forever to be thin and you KNOW that it will happen when you dedicate yourself to it. But you only have this short window to breast feed - so enjoy it while you can!

Man I miss you so much!! I already am wishing that I could just pop by to give you a hug. It sucks being so far away now. Can you move soon??

ps - I started blogging again:)