Monday, September 17, 2007

Help. Need. Sleep. Badly.

Feeling like death warmed over, this Mommy is waving the white flag. I surrender. I need help.

These past two days have been really difficult. It started out first with Kaelen getting sick and it has now transferred to Masyn. Masyn slept all of three hours last night. The remaining nine of those hours she cried; not a whimper cry but a full blown tantrum cry. The back arching, puke inducing, get your throat raw kind of cry. And, absolutely NOTHING I did was able to console her into a relaxed state. Meanwhile, luckily, Kaelen slept like the dead for he was the one performing the night before.

So, my tank is getting darned close to running on fumes. I have been trying to figure out a way to get caffeine injected into my veins to help keep me going as I have had a total of five hours of sleep in the last 48+ hours. To add to my pity party, I am tired of the newest fragrance that can be scented on me: Eau de Barf, or the luminescent marks on my clothes and upper body of snot and wait: yes, I am pretty sure that I am now coming down with the Plague. My chest feels like there is at least a 100 pound weight on it and my throat is starting to get raw. Nice. Did I mention the copious amounts of laundry that come with all of that barf and snot?

Wait, I am sure that all of you know as you have all been through this many times before. I honestly don't know how you all do it; dealing with one sick child is tough but more than one at the same time is just plain draining. How do you manage to comfort both kids when they need and want you? Kudos to you all: you have my heartfelt admiration. I just plain suck really. I am ashamed to say that I almost broke last night. At one point of Masyn's ongoing cry fest, I caught myself getting mad at her. Why, I kept asking myself. Why get mad at her when all of this isn't her fault. She is the one that feels like crap and yet there I was feeling sorry for myself because I was tired and irritated. I can't imagine how difficult it is for parents who have a colic baby. I honestly can't imagine. These past two days have been a HUGE wake up call for me. I have so much yet to learn about myself and MANY MANY things to work on with patience being number one on the list.

So, today (so far) has been about me fighting back the tears, hugging my children in hopes that they know just how much I love them and what they mean to me. I can't tell you how many times that I have apologized to Masyn for getting mad in her time of need. It is not like I did anything bad - I just told her to settle down and quit being a drama queen in my stern mean Mommy voice. For some reason and I am trying to convince myself (to make myself feel better), that I am just over emotional about this all because I too am tired and not feeling well.
This is the one time that I wish my mom would impart those words that I have learned to dislike: Allison, quit being so over dramatic about this.

Anyone? Please tell me that I am overreacting about this ......

8 comments:

Breanne said...

Allie you are a fantastic mother, don't ever question that! It is a crummy situation that you are in at the moment with both children being sick and yourself as well, but it will get better soon.

Take care of yourself :o)

sari said...

Everyone goes through it, you can't be hard on yourself. My second had colic, I KNOW the exact place you were in all night. You don't know what to do, you can't do anything to help them, they scream and scream and scream.

I hope you have a little peace tonight and that you don't get sick yourself. I hope Masyn is
feeling better.

Adventures In Babywearing said...

Oh gosh, what you are feeling is so normal. My body does not get by well when extremely fatigued (and I'm right there with you lately...) I only hope everyone is well soon and you get much rest. It WILL get better. Thinking of you!

Steph

Ellen said...

lol, I had to laugh at the comment you left me - about wishing labour on someone :) I have been thinking about it too and that I will not think it's so great once I'm in the midst of labor! Hope your kids are gonna get better soon!! I totally know how you feel (altho I only have one so far) I am just so glad that my son is too young to remember my "bad mommy moments"

Jenn said...

Allie,

Do you want me to come and bring you coffee?? If so curlyjenn@gmail.com

It's normal, you are tired. I remember thinking it was crazy all those warnings about about shaken baby syndrome. But I remember times with Lucas crying and I couldn't make him stop. I was mad at him too. Then I understood. I remember putting him in his bed and going outside and crying. Fatigue will make you crazy.

Jenn

Lesley said...

Allie you are an awesome mother!

I've been there with my boys and it totally sucks. Alex was colicy for a short period and it was terrible. I felt like a failure as a mother because there was no consoling him. I remember going outside for a short breather of the insanity that was my typical night with Alex and my neighbours saying "uh, isn't that your baby crying? shouldn't you do something?" I think that made it worse because they pretty much affirmed that yeah I was a crappy mom. But I got through it and you will too!

Hope you guys are feeling better soon!

It's great to see you've got a wonderful support group cheering you on! You're definitely not alone on this topic.

Andrea said...

I feel for you!! Don't be too hard on yourself though...and I'm SURE your kids know that you love them dearly!! Hopefully tonight you will have a much better night...and hopefully you won't get the bug full blast either! I will be thinking of you and praying for you...

Goofball said...

oh gosh Allie, I feel so sorry for you and Kaelen and Masyn when reading this....I am so sorry that I couldn't come over to babysit for a while so you could get your soooo needed rest. I wish I could easily do that for you! (In the mean time I did read your next post, so I am relieved that you got some more rest now and that Kaelen is feeling better).

Fatigue is a creepy monster that can hit us all and then it is hard to deal with sick children for sure. Gosh, when overly tired, I already have difficulty to be patient with myself and handle myself and then I am definately not the nicest person to Jan either, so I cannot imagine what you were going through that night. That does not make you a bad mom though! That just makes you human!! Don't ever doubt that you are a bad mom, because I know that you are a wonderful mom.
Is there anyone in the neighbourhood that can come and jump in for a babysit for a couple of hours next time this happens, so you can get some sleep then?? Could you ask Debbie?

There are just those moments that are getting too much and then it's ok to ask for help. They surely happen to all mommies. I so hope you can catch up with more sleep soon and that Masyn gets better quickly as well. Give her a big soothing kiss from her virtual crazy Belgian auntie !!

BIIIIIIIG HUUUUUUUUG.
And another big hug!
And another one!

and now I am going to tickle you!!!!!