Friday, August 17, 2007

Why I Feel Incredibly Blessed


This is why. Every time I look into the eyes of my children and they bless me with a gorgeous smile or just a look, I tear up and realize just how truly blessed I am in my life. I won't lie, there have been days of late where the days seem so incredibly long and I have these silent wars within my mind just begging to have an hour break from my babies and then feeling incredibly guilty within a second of that thought for not appreciating my children. I truly hate myself sometimes for accepting the fact that I need a break from my children yet I now realize that it is okay to feel that way. By acknowledging that I may need a break, it doesn't make me a bad mother but only a human mother. It doesn't mean that I don't love my kids but by having that break from them, it will make me a better mother to them. Issues such as this, that may seem simple or a no brainer to others are very difficult for me as I am such a perfectionist and want to be good at everything that I do. Being a mom is the best experience that I have ever taken on in my life, but it is also a very time consuming mind battle for me as I don't think that my mind ever takes a break. I find that I am always critiquing myself and analyzing situations on how I can make it better. But when I get down to the truth of the matter, I am terrified of failure. Failure of being a good mom to my children. I am sure that I am not the only mom out there that thinks about this as no one can truly prepare an individual on becoming a parent until they are put in that situation. It is then that you truly get the understanding that you wear your heart on your sleeve persay when it comes to your children. You understand a whole new meaning to living without as you would rather provide everything and anything to your children and realize just how easy it is to go without for yourself. Suddenly things like buying new clothes or going out for dinners really isn't all that important anymore when you can spend that money or time on your children.
Time flies when you are having fun and that adage was likely written by someone who was a parent. For me, I sure wish it would slow down as my children are growing way to quickly. Having said that though, I do look forward to what the future holds for us as I know that Kaelen and Masyn will continue to make me laugh and enrich my life beyond anything that I had ever imagined.

5 comments:

Adventures In Babywearing said...

This was sweet to share. I feel blessed, too. I was able to take a little break this weekend and if anything, it rejuvenates you and helps you to be a better mom! And yes, time flies so fast, but there are so many fun things ahead!

Steph

Peant Butter and Jelly Boats said...

I feel like a failure nearly everyday as a mom. I think the hardest part of being a parent is that there really is no break. Even when I have time to myself, I'm thinking about the boys. It really is 24/7.

I think your a great mom Allie and you have gorgeous children!

casual friday everyday said...

It's normal to have that mommy guilt for needing a break, but that doesnt mean it's justified.

We have to cut ourselves breaks and realize that when we "refuel" we can give back to our kids better!

You have BEAUTIFUL children and a lot to be thankful for...it's okay to take a break for mommy time, though :)

Nell

Mike said...

I know what you mean. Your kids have lovely eyes.


Mike
http://somethingaboutparenting.typepad.com/

sari said...

It's hard when you're a mom because you love your kids more than anything, but you are *always* the mom! There's never any time for just you.

So don't feel guilty, I think most of us have gone through that. You're right though on one thing - whenever I look at my kids I just thank God that they're mine and that I get to be with them.