Thursday, June 19, 2008

And So It Goes On ....

Wow, what a week. When it rains it definitely pours, but at least there is sunshine about to break through the dreary clouds and stretch it's warming arms out to me and wrap me in warmth. Or at least I hope so.

So, what you may ask has crawled up my ass and festered? Feeling overwhelmed. There, I said it. Me, little Miss "I Can Do It All Without Your Help" is feeling overwhelmed. I feel overwhelmed with working a job that I hate, despite really liking the people. I am feel overwhelmed with trying to manage my day right from the get go. Get myself up, get the kids up and fed, dropping them off at daycare, to run my ass off at work all day long, trying to book appointments on a minute break, to picking the kids up, feeding them dinner, try to get cuddles and playtime in, to bath time to bedtime. Then comes the weekend and it is packed with laundry, cleaning the house, yard work, grocery shopping, trying to pack in a week's worth of quality time playing and cuddling my children. Then comes being the sounding board to a husband who is burnt out with working seven days a week, minimum twelve hours a day. He is unhappy, miserable and tired. The kids aren't sleeping at night, so that means that Mommy doesn't sleep at night. Oh, and have I even mentioned that we are having severe daycare issues? Yep - EVERY.DAY.THIS.WEEK, our daycare Mom has cancelled out on me at 7:30 AM in the morning DESPITE reassurances the night before that all is good to go. So add in the stress of trying to find someone to watch my beautiful angels, to cancelling out of work and listening to everyone and their dog bitching to me telling me to find someone new to care for my children. That is easier said than done, especially given the fact that I have NO TIME to phone a million places in hopes that someone has an opening.

Soooooo my friends, just what am I going to do about this? Well, I keep hoping that one morning I will wake up and that money tree that I had planted in the backyard will have miraculously grown at least 10 feet tall with bountiful branches. Or, that somehow, I will wake up and have cloned myself during the night. That way, I could pass off the unsavoury moments to the droid that doesn't have feelings. I have also considered getting into my car and just driving into the middle of nowhere and screaming at the top of my lungs. Oh how invigorating that would be. No one but the deer and squirrels would be there looking at me as if I have gone off my rocker. But instead, I will have to settle for common sense and determination. Things will not get better unless I empower myself to make them better. So here is what I am thinking of doing:

1. Pursue diligently the option of opening a day home. I am pretty much set and just have to hit the send button for the advertisement to go out in the local paper(s). I just have to break the news to the golf course that I am leaving despite their continued efforts to involve me more in the day to day Food & Beverage Operations.
2. Having said that, terminate our relationship with our current daycare arrangements. It is just not working out so why prolong the pain? I already was a little too forward yesterday with my comments and concerns expressed to the day home Mom, hence why it is safe to say that our relationship is likely on the outs as it is.
3. Take some time for me. Looking back on this year so far and wow - I do need a break. With selling to moving to hurt children to running the household on my own, I need to give myself a break and let myself take in a breath, hold it and then relax on the exhale.

The list stops at three, but at least it is a start. I feel hope and that is good. My husband feels hope and that is good. Because of the daycare closure today, we had to inconvenience others at our places of employment in order to stay home with the kids. Hubby got the morning until 2 and I got 2 until now. For the first time since we made this decision to move to Cranbrook, I came home today to see laughter and happiness written all over his face. This was the first real time that he has spent with the kids in the past 4+ months and he enjoyed every moment of it. Just hearing him share his stories today and how much fun he had with the kids was the best medicine possible for him to have. So, I am viewing this as the changing of the tide and we as a family are on the road to better living .....

Um, perhaps you should wish me luck or keep us in your prayers, for one little thing could send me off my rocker again (okay ... I am joking ....)

8 comments:

Bella said...

You can do it Allie. I'll come out and see you / help you / relieve you / save you in August. :P

Ellen said...

I thought I had things busy.. but hats off to you, wow.. you need a good vent! (especially to that cancelling at 7:30am daycare Mom!!) not cool! having a daycare in your home is still really busy - just the nice thing is is that you get to see your kids at work - and they can benifit from the social interaction of other kids (mind you there can be drawbacks like the 5 yr old that I watch sucks her thumb all the time and then one day I found my 2.5yr old son doing the same thing - he was well instructed never to do it again since he's gone this far without it!!!) I think that's awesome that you & hubby saw the brighter side of things with him being at home with the kids, he could have just sat there upset and had a bad time instead of making the most of the time he had!

Goofball said...

I think Cranbrooks needs a loving excellent new daycare! Good luck in launching it!

Lesley said...

You made a great decision! I think this could be a very wonderful experience for you, your family and your clients.
I don't think I've ever regretted my decision to start a dayhome rather than go back to working in schools. It's such a good fit for my family and Aaron's always been a great supporter.
You can email me at teamcrockett@yahoo.ca if you ever have questions...

christie said...

WOW - I missed a lot in my short trip to California!
Sorry I wasn't here for you - but it looks as though your friends here have it well under control.
Reading this makes me want to do so many things! here are a few:

1 - Come to the "Brook" for a visit/to help/to make you smile/to rock out to our G.M song
2 - win the lottery
3 - become your dayhome tee tee (okay - that was really just for me - selfish moment)
4 - win the lottery
5 - take back the defective money tree seeds that grungy man sold me for that great donkey of mine (jerk)
6 - hope all gets better soon....

Thats just a few for now, I am sure I can come up with more but my travel brain is not functioning well tonight.
Sending all my love as always your way.....

Amber said...

I felt stress just reading that and I am not even living it. Hang in there and your "three" sound like a GREAT place to start!

beth - total mom haircut said...

Do it do it do it! I remember how excited you sounded about opening your own home care. I think you should go for it. If there is something that you think would make you happy and would help your situation you HAVE TO DO IT. Please do.

And for goodness sake, take a break. Even if it's brief. ANd you know what, it wouldn't be so wrong to go out to the middle of nowhere and scream. It's ok to be overwhelmed, and it's strong of you to admit it to yourself and to us. Sometimes you just have to let it out, and if you feel that urge, then do it; you'll ensure that it doesn't come out on its own when you least expect it.

Breanne said...

Allie,

You are a wonderful woman that holds this ability to hold it together even when things get hard. You opening a day home will be the best thing to happen in Cranbrook. Not only will your children benefit, but you are going to be contributing to other little childrens lives, and instililng all your gems of wisdom in them to make them better, caring little beings. Good luck on your new adventure, and I just know that everything is going to work out beautifully.

See you soon!!!