Saturday, March 24, 2007

Femme Bots

Remember in Austin Powers when Dr. Evil introduced his newest weapon; the Femme Bots? Remember how those machines were svelte bombshells with big "guns" that could mezmerise the enemy before shooting off a round of bullets, hence effectively wiping out all threats? Well, being a breast feeding momma is kind of like belonging to that Femme Bot exclusive club. I mean, I am blonde, I now have the "guns" too and the only real difference is that instead of the tiny firm waist, I have a rollie pollie waist. Oh yes ... and well er ... my "guns" are a little unbalanced.

You see, my right breast is your classic overachiever. It always wants to be chosen first for feedings and figures if it is fuller, then it is better. Where as my left breast is your silent but reliable type. It may not get rock hard and lumpy, but it can provide all the milk your child needs over an extended period of feeding. The one thing that the both of them have in common is that instead of shooting off bullets to your unknown suspect, my let down has more power than the Niagara Falls supplying power to Ontario and New York state. Poor Masyn (and Kaelen too when I breastfed him) has been subject to more than one good shower in the face when it gets too powerful for her to keep up. There are times that I am practically lying at a 45 degree angle on my back to try and avoid both her choking and getting a nice warm milk bath. In reality, if I was a smart girl, I would have purchased stock shares in Johnson & Johnson disposable breast pads. By now, I would have been rich just on myself and the usage that I get out of that product.

So that brings me back to the Femme Bots. I am thinking that I may have missed my invitation somewhere along the line to be a part of that exclusive club, despite my lopsidedness. Until these "guns" learn to regulate themselves, I am so huge (and in particular the overachiever breast) that Pammy Anderson would be envious of me. I do have to say, that being a lopsided, semi fat Femme Bot certainly appeals to the quirkyness of Austin Powers no?

Hey: Mike Myers, if you are reading this, give this Canadian bombshell a call!

6 comments:

goofball said...

eummm I think I urgently need to watch Austin Powers!

Peanut Butter and Jelly Boats said...

You are so funny! All 3 of my children preferred my right side so I am right up there with you Allie! You should head over to http://www.lifewithallboys.blogspot.com
and see her post from two days ago.

Christie said...

OMG! I just spit coffee all over my laptop screen!

You are too funny! You should warn me about these posts before I read them so I can make sure my mouth is free of liquids.

sari said...

Thank heavens everyone else is on the other side of the house - I totally just laughed out loud about five times at that post.

Robin said...

Too funny. Carter refused to nurse on my left side for almost 2 weeks after he was born. Thank God for my breast pump. Atleast it helped a little. (it's the only time that pump has seen any action)

Amber said...

Ahhhh, the classic nursing DDs. Or more like EEs in some of our cases. LOVE the phrase "classic overachiever..." :-)