Thursday, March 09, 2006

It's A Real Bummer When Time Flies

I would like to formally propose that the hours per day increase from 24 hours to at least 36 hours to comprise one day. I figure that would allow me to have the best of both worlds. It would allow me to do my obligatory 8 1/2 hour work day to bring home the bacon, allow me to have 12 - 14 good quality hours to play with Kaelen, allot an hour or two for personal time and then dedicate the remaining 11 hours to sleep. If I got my way in this, then perhaps I would feel like I am getting the best out of life.

As it stands, today my baby is officially 18 months old. For the past 7 months, I have missed out on 11+ hours per day of quality playtime with Kaelen, missed those initial first steps, perhaps his first excitement at a discovery and about a million or so laughs, hugs, kisses and celebrations; all in the name of that elusive thing called money.

However, even though I am completely devastated that my baby is growing up so quickly and am selfishly having my own internal pity party, I am determined to see this day as a celebration for Kaelen's achievements. At 11:20 pm tonight, 18 months ago, this beautiful precious little boy made an entrance into this world. It is difficult to describe the thoughts and feelings when I first saw Kaelen for the first time. There was my baby, so precious and beautiful; with an IV in his hand, tubes up his nose and in an incubator. The initial fear of having him 7 weeks early and the neo natal staff on hand to deal with the chance that his little heart wasn't beating was enough to last me a lifetime. However, seeing Kaelen in that incubator for the first time since birthing him and that instant feeling of guilt that came over me, I will forever carry in my heart. Unless you have been there, it is a feeling that you will never be able to relate to.

But Kaelen soon taught me to treasure ever moment. Our cuddle times in the hospital were full of quality and bonding. Bringing him home was exciting because we got to have him all to ourselves. Every single touch, tear, spit up, puke, giggle and cuddle has been the best experience ever. And now that Kaelen can express himself? Well, the moments only get more fun! There are more laughs, celebrations, tears of frustration, moments of helplessness and of course cuddles. I do look forward to watching Kaelen grow and being with him every step of the way, but time is flying by much too quickly. It needs to slow down so I can savour the moments longer and can spend more time with him each day.

Kaelen is quite simply amazing and these past 18 months have been the best moments of my life.

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