A Big Girl Now

Yesterday my little girl turned 18 months old. Where has the time gone? It seems just like a moment ago, a blink of the eye, that I was crying in joy and wonder when holding her for the first time after birthing her ......




Look at her, she is just getting so big now; almost a true little princess. If her stature doesn't quite capture it yet, she certainly has the defined attitude down pat.

Yesterday - It Was DONE

Running a daycare is certainly a time consuming venture. Keeping the little monkeys busy and entertained takes a lot of creative skills, something in which I don't have a vast amount of talent in. I mean, I am all over using one's imagination, but it must involve running around outside. With fall just on the cusp and winter shortly thereafter, that kind of frightens me. I mean, my kids are used to going out in -20+ C weather, but I know not all parents are for that. My biggest fear is that I will be under house arrest for two or three days and then what will I do to entertain the troop? Then the thought comes crashing into my mind ... I might actually have to learn how to ... gulp ... do crafts. Trust me when I say that it is a miracle short of the birth of the Jolie-Pitt twins that I can even glue two Popsicle sticks together in hopes that it looks like an airplane. I am extremely challenged when it comes to creativity skills. Any suggestions? Does anyone know of beginner craft friendly websites for kids?

On another note, remember my post from Monday? Pondering the great question of "Am I Done with Having Children"? Well, after my day yesterday, it would have been a resounding YES. The day started out with one of my daycare kids having a run in with the fireplace resulting in a trip to the emergency room for stitches. Then just when I marvelled at how well that child was doing post hospital trip, two other children, one of them being Masyn, decided that they were going to be miserable for the remainder of the day. At one point, all five kids were either screaming in blood thirsty wails trying to capture one another or crying their little hearts out over who knows what. In that particular moment, the thought actually went through my head "You have to be nuts to even contemplate another child". And then I envisioned, with having another child, that this is what I would get to deal with on a daily basis without daycare children present.

Today, I have six kids in the house - 2 over the mandated allowance. However, they are two sets of families and each parent gave me the thumbs up to do it. So far, so good. But, truthfully I am spoiled because one of the children is 11 years old so they are very self sufficient and in that stage of tween where helping out the little ones is still fun ...... Whew!

When Is It Time?

I know that I posted about this before and I have read about it from other women, but I have this burning desire to know. How do you know when you are done? I mean as in done having children.

I have friends who say that it just felt right, or that they just knew. Others tell me that they continue to yearn and dream for another. Others just tell me that they accepted that they would not (or would) have another because of life's circumstances or respecting their spouse's desires.

For me, I feel like I am lost is a deep abyss. Some days it is crystal clear that I am not ready to be done. That my body and mind yearn to experience that spectacular yet humbling process called pregnancy; to grow, nurture, feel and bond with that precious baby within my womb. I yearn to experience the excitement of childbirth working hard for that precious moment of holding and gazing into your newborns face. The wonder and awe of believing that this precious little one is yours. All yours. The trying yet exhilarating times that follow with breastfeeding and watching that newborn grow into an independent little person every time you blink your eyes.

Yet, there are moments for me that I feel distinctly content. I look at my two precious children and the challenges that we went through to get to the point that we are with them and I feel blessed. I feel that I should be grateful for what I have been given and be content with that. There were many occasions that I would pray to God and my Dad to take care of my beautiful son who shocked us all by arriving 7 weeks early. At that time, the concept of prematurity never crossed our minds. We didn't even know that it could happen to us. We were ignorant. The first week of my son's life was filled with anguishing moments and scares with the talk of open head surgery and the ramifications that could come with that. I remember praying and crying and begging for someone to make everything alright with Kaelen and that I would never ask for anything again. Thankfully, my prayers were heard and we were blessed that everything worked out for Kaelen.

Apparently I suffered from memory loss because I found myself praying, crying and begging again shortly thereafter to God and my Dad or anyone else who would listen to me that all that I wanted was a sibling for my son and if they could please ensure that the pregnancy was healthy, that I wouldn't ask for anything else. Thankfully, once again, my prayers were answered after my third miscarriage and I was able to carry out my pregnancy with my daughter to 37 weeks. Because of those prayers and the promises that were made, I sometimes feel that I shouldn't be greedy and hope to have another child. I was blessed to have my prayers heard and answered twice and I should feel blessed and thankful for that.

I think because of those feelings and because they are strong, they are at the forefront of my mind when my body has those urges and yearnings for another child. Or, perhaps that is my inner voice truly telling me that I am done.

How do you know really? Do you know? How is it for you?

Hello Up There

Hello up there. Can you see us? Yes, we are waving to you in hopes that you will wave back. Oh, yes you CAN see us for you just blinked that beautiful twinkle of yours in the midnight black sky. And you there: Are you a planet or just an extra bright star tonight? And you, Mr. Moon, thank you for shining brilliantly in the clear night and showing off your freckles. Oh, and all of you jet passengers, can you see us? Do we look like tiny little ants?

As you grow up, it is easy to forget about the simple joys in life. Sometimes it takes our children to remind us that your imagination is one of the best gifts that Mother Nature and God have provided you. This much needed attribute can take you beyond your wildest dreams and can provide you with a relaxing outlet or even steadfast confidence. Why is it then, as one grows up, that one can lose touch and at times completely forget about this amazing trait?

After weeks of promises, I finally came through for Kaelen on Friday night. It was a perfectly clear night, the house was hot and sticky while outside was cooler with a warm yet soothing breeze. And, because this was Kaelen's first time star gazing, we pulled out the air bed, blew it up and cozied ourselves up with a mountain of soft blankets, pillows and high tech flashlights to catch any bad guys planning on crashing our party.

For two hours, I attempted to teach Kaelen about stars, planets, the moon, satellites and shooting stars. While he was genuinely interested, at the inquisitive age of three, he was more interested in talking to the stars that were twinkling directly at him, and the alien who was driving the satellite and taking pictures of him. He was convinced that the jet passengers were waving to him and that the sheet lightning in the distance was fireworks in heaven. In reality, it was Kaelen who reminded me that using your imagination was so much more fun and interesting.

We named stars after ourselves and giggled into the night. And at one point, we even pretended to see a shooting star and confided our wishes to each other. Lucky for me that Kaelen's was that he would receive a hug and a kiss from someone special. That wish topped off a night that will be in the forefront of my memory for a long time to come. So if you are looking to have a refreshing night, I would highly recommend grabbing your precious child, grabbing a blanket and cuddling up outside. If you don't have a child, then I would be more than willing to loan mine out for two hours max.

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY

It was the tail that gave her stealthy hideout away ......