It has been two weeks now that I have worked at the golf course. I have made no secrets of the fact that I am unhappy of having to work nor am I truly happy that I can't find a job within my field; that I have had to return to an industry that I had left 10+ years ago because of the burnout and difficulties of balancing a life that comes with it.
However, I must come clean now: while I am still not happy about working, I am starting to really look forward to going to work. Why? Because I am working at a facility that each day, I get given a gift of love. Love in the sense of friendship and long ago memories. Cranbrook is a hockey town and has been for eons and my dad carved himself a place in this town's heart almost 40 years ago. Back in the early 70's, he was one of the leaders in the hockey league that ran during that time. He was a popular player with the fans as well as one that had the skill to go along with it, having captured himself a few league MVP's. His death at the age of 36 while playing hockey, rocked not only the town that we had lived in at the time, but the entire hockey community that surrounds the area. Having lost my dad at the impressionable age of 13, I have this unquenching thirst to know about the man as a man. Growing up, I was blessed enough to be told the stories of how he loved his family as a father and that satisfied the need that I had at the time. But now that I am an adult, I find that I yearn to have about what my dad was like as a man. How others viewed him, and to my incredible luck, I have not been disappointed. Each day, I meet someone new that knew my dad and has a story to tell. Of course, they are all the good ones because it is not like anyone wants to speak ill will of the deceased, nor to the daughter of that person, but still, the stories and memories that are being shared are beautiful, inspiring and comforting. There is a genuine acceptance of me from these former hockey players, players wives, coaches, trainers, friends and fans that it is fun. These people upon seeing me, will tell the people that they happen to be golfing with who I am and then will go on to see how I am doing, how my family is doing (as in my Mom and sister), how my transition is going and then go on to tell me about my Dad. It feels as if I have gained a whole new family as these beautiful people share with me their lives and want to be a part of ours. In a weird sort of way, it feels kind of like coming home some days. Does that make any sense?
How do you go about endearing yourself to the neighbours? Especially the ones that you haven't seen much of since you moved in 2 months ago?
Well, here is the recipe that I tried:
1. Invite your Mom and sister to come and spend the long weekend with you (which was two weeks ago here in Canada).
2. Order up three days of gorgeous, hot sunshine from Mother Nature
3. Clean off the deck and attempt to make it comfortable with the tools that you already have.
4. Ensure that the fridge is full of beer and/or wine.
5. I find that a Sunday night works best, especially after a quiet BBQ the night before.
6. In an attempt to keep the house cool, serve up cold vegetables accompanied by an onion soup/cream cheese dip to compliment the veggies. (and in a certain person's case, I won't name names but it was not me), serve up nice extra large green onions for that onion soup/cream cheese dip. Drink a few glasses of wine and/or beer and let that concoction fester within your gut for at least an hour.
7. Listen intently for when your neighbors make their way out on their respective decks in early summer time cheer and companionship. When the time is right, covertly sneak onto deck. Note: it is important to be stealthy at this point.
8. Make yourself comfortable on the patio because it is going to be a long night in the fresh air .... ahem.
9. Listen intently for the punch line of the joke next door then on cue, have one of your guests pass wind; loud enough to get that poignant pause and silence. To the point that you make think that the noxious fumes may have killed everything within the 2 sq mile vicinity.
10. Once you are assured that man kind has not been killed off, giggle like there is no tomorrow because after all, farts are fun (in this family anyways).
11. Once you are comfortable with the set up, repeat steps 7 through 10 for at least another two hours, rotating individuals as their stomachs protest in gastric discomfort.
And, this is my makeover!! Isn't it fabulous?? Many many thanks to Beth at Be Design for her super creative kick ass talent!!
Do you want a makeover too? Head on over to Be Design and check it out!! The ladies over there are super fun to deal with and super quick too!!
Now we are off to our day in history ......
So, let me ask you this .... Is it wrong to secretly be happy that an individual is sick and feels like crap? If so, then I think that I will be forced to do penance for a long time to come. My dayhome Mom just called about an hour ago and I could barely make out who she was on the phone. She is sick and sounds sick. Do you know what that means? Yep - it means that this Mommy can't go to work tomorrow as I have no one to watch my little angels. While I truly do feel a wee bit guilty about not being able to put in my shift at the golf course tomorrow, that grief quickly turns into elation knowing that I get to spend the whole day with my children. How lucky am I???
And, want to know what I have planned for the three of us? We are going to go here. It is only a 15 minute drive or less from Cranbrook and it is a place that I have always wanted to go to. The kids are super stoked to go (or should I say Kaelen is because Masyn is too young to get it) as we were season pass holders to Heritage Park in Calgary last year. Last year, while on maternity leave, we went pretty much every second day to Heritage Park for the wagon rides, train rides, to spend our 50 cents in the candy shop and have a picnic. If you are ever in Calgary during the summer, it is an absolute must to do on your event list.
So, we are hoping that Fort Steele won't let us down with our expectations. We already know that the wagon rides and train rides aren't in service yet, but we will go and check out the facility and then make the decision if we should go ahead and become season pass holders there. We will pack up our wagon filled with picnic items, 50 cents for the candy shop, my Ergo for when Masyn gets sleepy, the camera and of course an umbrella or two; it is a recipe for certain success.
Now only if we could come up with an effective sun dance for tomorrow .......
After a week of rain, the sun is trying it's hardest to poke it's warming rays through the thick grey clouds. Ahh ..... it is so invigorating really. There is just something to be said as one turns their face to worship those precious healing rays; it warms you to the core. The kids and I had a crisp yet slightly chilly breakfast out on the deck this morning in hopes that the sun goddess realizes that we are in desperate need of her.
I don't think that she appreciated our efforts as the chill in the wind has picked up again and those ominous rain drops are starting to make their way down the mountain side. Sigh ..... I guess we are puddle jumping again today.
But hey - it could be worse - I could be working .... so despite being wet to the bone, the three of us will be laughing and going on another splashing adventure.
Man, did I ever forget at how tolling waitressing can be. Like how on earth did I manage to forget the aching feet, the grumbling stomach because you don't have any time to grab a bite to eat and the scrambled head with working in a fast faced chaotic environment? Oh my my .... let me tell you, while I do feel blessed that my skills have returned as if I never left the industry 10+ years ago, my body is not being forgiving with the workout that I have been giving it.
I have literally jumped right into the thick of things at the golf course into a supervisory role and leadership role. I naturally gravitate to those kinds of positions and I do enjoy the responsibility, but holy cow, I think that I will really have to watch myself. I admitted to the manager today that I am concerned that I am going to be too aggressive and change all of the things needed immediately. The manager was beyond excited for me to do so, but I just don't know where to start. Have you ever been in one of those situations where a place is running so dysfunctional that it is scary? Yet, in it's own way, it is running relatively successfully? And, this job is supposed to be just a temporary one until I can find an office job. There is no way that I can implement the needed changes with the hours that I am restricted to in the golf industry, yet I feel compelled to offer extra time to get things done. Critical things that need done. Yet, having said that, I don't want to give up any of my precious time with my children. We are into day three of Mommy working and it is hard on all of us. Trying to scramble to and from daycare, to making relatively nutritious meals to finding quality playtime is hard; like really hard. And, again, I give incredible kudos to single Moms out there because I am living like a single Mom right now and it is tough. I can't imagine doing this every single day of the year and feel incredibly blessed to know that I only have to deal with this kind of stress 9 months of the year and at least have a husband who feels guilty as heck as a sounding board when things get overwhelming for me.
And, want to know what is really sad out of this whole situation? I have been crazy busy at the golf course and it has been raining every single day. If life is hectic with rain, I am not too sure if I am wanting to find out what sunshine is like.
Right now, the kids and I so live for weekends .....
I have survived a most fabulous long weekend and am ready to hit the sack. The weekend was filled with non stop laughter, quite a few glasses of wine and a ton of pictures (thanks to Christie) but the stories will have to wait until at least tomorrow as I am hauling my sorry tired butt to bed.
But, not before I leave you all with a few teasers of interesting or exciting new things to come:
1. A make over is soon to come
2. Did you hear a squeak?
3. My foot squeamish must come to an end and soon
4. Who has the bigger mouth?
5. Do onions make you smell?
Curious to figure out just what the heck I am rambling about? Well, you will just have to ensure that you stop by here over the next few days while I fill you in. This girl needs her beauty rests tonight as I start my temporary job tomorrow at the golf course in the restaurant and my sorry ass needs a fresher look (or should I say a miracle) for a few extra bucks tomorrow.
In case you haven't heard about this, yes, this devastating crash happened near our house. Despite not knowing any of the deceased, it has still shaken us all up. It truly could have been so much worse but thankfully it wasn't.
I thanked God yesterday that my kids were ill because the crash happened almost in the back yard of the day home. I thanked God yesterday that the other child in the day home was inside with the day home Mom and that they were not a witness to this devastation. I thanked God yesterday because we were watching the helicopter from our living room window at home prior to the crash and got scared because it was listing back and forth as if there was too much wind and it barely cleared the tree across the street from us. We jumped back, thinking that it was going to hit the tree and then laughed to ourselves for being silly. Little did we know that five minutes later, it would crash. I thanked God yesterday for making a hero in the pilot because the crash could have been so much worse. There is an elementary school half a block away, a playground on the corner and the busy residential area which luckily many people were inside of their homes. But somehow, the pilot managed to come down in the middle of a crowded road.
On our way to daycare this morning, we said a prayer for the families who lost their loved ones. And Kaelen said an extra one to the pilot and back seat passenger of the helicopter "who looked nice" because they were so close to our house (to the point I could tell you what they were wearing) in our scare that Kaelen later was convinced the back seat passenger waived to him. Tonight, we will go and lay flowers by the site in memory of these good people. It seems stupid to do, but we feel the need to do something.
I find I get more reflective on life as I get older. I would assume that this natural because as you get older, you tend to appreciate things a little more. You have to work for them (in most cases) and upon completion or possession, you can sit back and enjoy. As I have blogged in the past few weeks, I am on the hunt for a job. We are now mid month, and nothing. Nada. No bites. Part of me is concerned, yet the other part of me is okay with this. Perhaps this is my path that I am being steered to: opening a day home.
I find that I am incredibly attached to my children; more than I ever thought that I would be. I know that one can never prepare for parenthood until you are actually living in the moment. You can envision and plan, but that is all naive. You quickly learn that children own your heart and soul, that they live on their own schedules and will almost always throw a wrench into plans that you make for yourself. My children lasted three days in day care this month before getting sick and they have been home with me since. And, despite the snotty noses, spells of coughing fits, fever filled nights and general discomfort, the three of us have jumped right back into our daily routines of needing each other and entertaining each other. Now we are coming around the bend to the home stretch and within a day or two, the children should be well enough to continue back at daycare. The thought of that brings me to tears again. Tears because I want to be with my children. Tears that I have forked over a ridiculous amount of cash for the month in hopes of obtaining a job. Tears that my poor husband is working himself to the bone just to ensure that we are all okay. Basically, tears of frustration.
Yet, despite that self inflicted pity party, there is a warm light that shines over me. I start to smile in comfort, feeling privileged just to have this problem. I mean, I am devastated because I am leaving my children for a couple of hours a day, but yet, it means that I am a Mom! I am a Mom to two incredibly precious children. They have fulfilled my life beyond my wildest dreams and expectations. Each day I am humbled and give thanks for the smiles that are bestowed on me, the wet sloppy kisses, the tight hugs, the dramatic tears and the frustrations of learning the boundaries that I have set in hopes of ensuring that my children become respectful loving adults. I savour the quiet moments of watching my little angels sleep and bite my tongue in the trying moments when one of them is tired and testing the limits. I always thought that being a Mom would be a life sentence of a ball and chain of dependence and I would have to give up my life. Little did I know that becoming a Mother, meant that I would just discover that I was just starting to live life and realize how precious and rewarding life truly is.
So, to Kaelen and Masyn, thank you for enriching my life beyond my wildest dreams. Each time I look into your beautiful little faces, I fall more in love with you. Each time I wipe away a tear, I wipe one of my own. Each time you accomplish something new or crawl into me for affection, my heart grows a little more. You have taught me how to dream, how to grow and how to truly love unconditionally.
5:00 AM TODAY: Flutter, flutter, crash, bang, meoowwww ...... What the heck was that? Forcing hubby to get up and check it out, he comes back and jokingly says that dealing with sick kids is not going to be our only problem today and tells me to go and check out the living room, specifically the fireplace. In irritated wonder, I stumble into the living room only to be greeted with this:
How the stupid bird got down the chimney is beyond my level of comprehension this morning mostly due to a lack of sleep as both kids were up all night sneezing, coughing and crying. So, I am now on my fifth cup of coffee for the morning wondering how the heck I am going to get this stupid robin out of my fireplace. The only conclusion that I have come up with is to try and trap it with Kaelen's butterfly net and then launch it off the deck in hopes that it flies away. Although, I won't attempt this until hubby gets home because if I did attempt this on my own, all hell would break lose. As it stands right now, we are barely hanging on: the cat is still going nuts after five hours of the stupid birds attempts to break through the fireplace doors, Kaelen is excited that he has a new pet yet keeps shooting the fireplace doors and Masyn starts screaming every time the stupid bird flaps it's body against the doors because it scares her.
It is a regular gong show really ..... Oh ... and have I mentioned how much I detest birds? It kind of ranks right up there with worms and snakes.
So .. what kind of exciting things happened in your day so far?
**** UPDATE *****
10:00 AM TODAY: Shockingly, my patience is at it's end (note: HUGE sarcasm here) and Round 1 of the Great Bird Extraction goes to the stupid bird. Leaping upon the brilliant idea from my good friend Debbie, I attempted to smother the bird with an old towel at which point I could pick up and then gently release the little captive to freedom on the deck. This seemed like such a great idea as opposed to mine with using Kaelen's butterfly net and then in a lacrosse like move, launching it off of the deck. Unfortunately, due to my dislike of birds, the little thing stared at me with it's beady eyes and concocted it's own plan of flying at me when I attempted to throw the towel at it. The fireplace is MUCH bigger than I had thought inside and I missed the bird and the damn thing almost found freedom in my house. After a startled high pitch shriek from me, I slammed the fireplace door right in it's face only to think that I killed it. Nope. Instead it is still fluttering around, the cat is still going nuts, Kaelen thinks that this is a fabulous adventure, Masyn is FINALLY sleeping and me? Well I am still grossing out that there is a dirty bird in my fireplace and nursing a scraped, bleeding elbow which I received in my efforts to slam the door shut keeping that evil thing trapped in the fireplace.
**** UPDATE #2 ****
11:30 AM - The Great Bird Extraction - Success!! After at least five aborted tries on my behalf to capture the bird in an area that an elephant could fit in, the kids and I settled in with irritation and waited it out for Super Hubby otherwise known as Super Daddy to come home and save us. And, much to our worshipped beliefs, he did just that. Upon his first unsuccessful attempt and the bird almost winning Round Two with escaped freedom into my house, Kaelen and I decided to map out an escape route. It was quickly decided that we could sprint into his room and slam the door in salvation to protect us from the evil bird. And should the bird somehow break into Kaelen's room, we would have his T-Rex stuffie to protect us. Sadly, I am dead serious about this and in the event the escape route was needed, I probably would have left my child in the dust, trampled on the floor in my attempt of self preservation. Luckily it did not have to come to that as Super Hubby, aka Super Daddy, managed to pin the bird into a towel and then gently release it out on the deck. Thankfully, the stupid bird was smart enough to get away fast for in my desire to get it out of my sight, I might have pulverized it with my broom trying to swoosh it off my deck. And, because I have been accused of being borderline OCD when it comes to cleanliness, I promptly bleached out the fireplace because you know .... you just can't have a few feathers and one drop of bird poop in the pit area.
The time has come and my fairy tale has ended. This is officially my last Friday as a stay at home Mommy. I have thoroughly enjoyed this time with my children and am secretly devastated that I can't be at home with them forever. I don't want Monday to come where I have to begin the routine of getting up early and rushing around to get everyone else ready and breakfast served. I don't want to drop my children off to another's house (despite her being a true sweetheart) and then driving away. I won't wear makeup that day because I know that I will be crying. I won't wear a watch either because I won't be able to quit looking at it and getting frustrated that the time isn't passing quicker.
And of course, today is flying by way too quickly. I want the time to slow down but it won't. The kids (okay my son because he gets what is going on) are just as upset that I have to go back to work and keep telling me that they want me to stay at home and why can't I find work from home. I wish that I could.
So, for this next month, I have to put my head to the grind stone to find a job. For the short term, I will be picking up shifts at the golf course as a waitress as they are in a crisis right now. Meanwhile, if an office opportunity comes up, I will take that (with the golf course's full knowledge). If that doesn't pan out, I am also getting everything prepared that is required to open a day home; it is just a long process to do so - at least a month minimum to qualify for the standards that are mandated. Despite that being very poor money, I am hoping that this may be what is in my destiny because then I can be with my children. And ideally, I would love to bring children in that are close to my children's age. Perhaps a child that is my son's age and their parents wish for them to go to preschool too, but can't because they have no way to get their children to and from. I would love to provide comfort to other parents that are in the same predicament as me.
It is hard some days because everyone seems to offer their opinion of what is best for me. I know that people are only trying to help and provide comfort but telling me that it is good for the children and myself to have a break from one another is not helping me. Due to my husband's job, our family structure is similar to that of a single mom's. My husband is really only here 7 hours a day and that is for sleep. But what differs to that of a single mom, is that I have that lifestyle 9 out 12 months of a year as opposed to everyday of a year. And yes, there are days that my children frustrate me but that is normal. However, spending everyday with them with no breaks isn't killing me. What is killing me however is leaving my children.
So, I am pretending to be happy today, when in fact all I want to do is cry. Today, the kids and I are going to have a day filled with laughter, hugs, kisses and they are probably going to get sick of me telling them how much I love them and how much they mean to me.
I know ... I should just suck it up and deal with reality. I have been blessed to be at home this long but in the big picture, going back to work is the best thing for the kids for it will ensure that food is on the table and there is hot water for baths. Sadly, that is no embellishment either.
Stop the press! Daddy had the day off ... well kind of ... but still, he was able to spend most of the day with us today. Both of the kids were beyond wired and Mommy, well I was chopped liver but have to admit that I kind of enjoyed it. It was touching to sit back and watch my children shower their Daddy with love and Daddy basking in their smiles and laughter.
After a nutritious breakfast of McDonalds, we packed the kids up and went up the road to a fabulous wooded park called Idlewild. It has trails, playgrounds, two fishing wharfs and a gorgeous paved path around this little lake. The sunshine was out with a crisp wind. It was the perfect day for Daddy to teach the little man how to fish for the first time and for the girls to hang back on the blanket and spread out ... no make that, eat the small picnic that was packed.
Neither Kaelen nor Daddy caught a fish, but Kaelen did manage to catch many clumps of algae, water grass and the nearby tree ... three times. Lets just say that it was in everybody's best interest to remain far back in the grassy field when he attempted to cast his rod. 
Daddy showing Kaelen how to cast his rod. And ... those eager pussy willow branches that were just begging to be caught.
Kaelen branching out on his own striving for fishing independance already. LOVE this picture and think that I will get it cropped and framed.
