One of Mommy's Nightmares

My husband always thought that I was morbid and for a bit I was too until I spoke to a friend and she too did this; Envision worst case scenarios while with your children and how you would handle the situation. At the time, our biggest thought process was envisioning carrying your child down the stairs and falling. I would get that sick feeling in my stomach thinking about it and would force myself to envision falling, tucking their precious little head into my body and I would absorb the fall. Has anyone else ever envisioned stuff like this? My friend and I jokingly called thoughts like this our Protective Mommy Instincts. We justified that it was a built in mechanism programmed into our bodies upon becoming Mommies to help us protect and nurture our children to the best of our capabilities.

Well, one of these "dreams" came true for me yesterday. I was visiting a friend for lunch and was in the process of unloading the kids to her house. I was going to take Masyn first but Kaelen asked that I take him first. So, I grab the little man and make my way to the house but apparently was not paying attention to where I was walking. Before I knew it, Kaelen was flying out of my arms and I was on my butt. Struggling with shock and complete horrification that I dropped my child, I ignored the screaming pain in my body to crawl over to my son. He of course was crying and I was sick to my stomach. Did I just break his leg again as he just got out of his cast the day before. Did he hit his head on the concrete stairs? LUCKILY, he landed on his butt on the stairs and was more scared than anything. He has a nice bruise on his butt but he promises me that it doesn't hurt. Picking myself and him up, I gingerly got him into the house and made my way back to Masyn, who was still in the van. The walk back to the van was long and I seriously almost threw up when I got there. All I could think about was how lucky was I that I fell with Kaelen. I mean, he is three and a sturdy three. If that were Masyn, she would have landed on her head and of course with my overactive imagination, all I could envision was her having a spinal, neck or head injury.

Once I got into the house and settled, Kaelen came up to me to apologize for me falling and asked if I was okay. I said yes but secretly wanted to cry because my body was throbbing everywhere and my emotions were taking a toll on me. It was then that Kaelen pointed out that I had blood on my arm. When I looked down I sure had blood - lots of it but in the form of a massive swelling bruise that was rapidly spreading down the outside of my forearm. Now over night, the swelling has gotten worse to the point that I look like I have half a golf ball under the skin with bruising that is about 4 inches long by 3 inches wide. And because I am so lucky, pain radiates to my wrist and elbow every time I clench my fist or open my hand wide. Yep - I am going for xrays tomorrow .... lucky me. And here today I thought that my luck was changing because I finally after four years, won a free coffee at Tim Hortons on their Roll Up the Rim to Win.