Crunch Time

The time has come where it is more important than ever that I apply my super anal tendencies to get my list of jobs done. And as irony would have it, I just can't get myself motivated to do so. It is crunch time folks: the house needs to be packed up and ready to move by this weekend yet I would say that at least half of the house still needs to be taken down. Both tomorrow and Tuesday find me at the Children's Hospital for most of the day with appointments for the kids and come night time, I just want to sit on my butt for I am exhausted. The kids and I all have colds and Masyn has just cut tooth number 15 if you can believe it.

There are moments that I get swamped in feelings of being overwhelmed as there is so much left to do. And it is the tedious things like waiting on hold FOREVER to cancel services and then having to try and reestablish services for the new place, in a new town and you have no idea of what is out there for choices. And, because we are moving to a smaller town, I find that there is a serious lack of information for those services that is available to one via the internet. And I feel the pressure to find a job right away, which is mostly of my own doing, yet I seriously doubts as to whether that will happen as child care services down there are slim pickings. No one wants to care for a one year old child period. Now I won't deny that there is that little piece inside of me thrilled with that and dreams that it will mean that I can stay at home with my children, but that just isn't reality for me. I have tried to search everywhere for a job that I can do from my home to ensure that some money is coming in to pay for the bills but so far I have come up empty in the pocket so to speak.

When I try to express my frustrations of late, I always feel like they get unvalidated by comments such as "oh you are young, you will live through this" (thanks for that comment seeing as I will be 36 this year) or " I was there once too". I get it. This is just a phase in my life that I am trying to approach with humour because I know that I will find it all funny even a couple of months down the road. But I tell you, there are days of late that I just want to shut everyone out of my life and curl up on my bed to read a good book and savour the silence. Kind of a wishful dream don't you think? And seeing as that little fantasy hasn't come true of late, I have found of late that cake and milk in bed will help ease the pain just a little ......