My "Career" versus Motherhood

Prior to becoming a Mom, I had always envisioned myself eventually being one of those dynamic, successful career women. I saw myself 10 years down the road pursuing my dream of becoming a public speaker; a motivator to young adults who are making that transition into adulthood that is full of responsibilities and expectations. Despite this vision, I seemed to always be searching for the perfect job. It seemed that no matter where I worked, I would always end up being bored, unchallenged and discontent. I would always come up with these wild ideas of different career paths that I just knew would perfectly suit me. Most of the time, I didn't do anything about these ideas because after time, they lost their appeal. All I knew at the time, is that I wanted to be big, successful and important.

When the time came in my life when a decision needed to be made as to whether we were going to have a family, it of course seemed like a great idea. I wasn't sure if I would be a good mom, but deep down I knew that I would regret it immensely if I didn't at least give it a shot. We were blessed to have gotten pregnant immediately upon trying. Throughout the pregnancy, I naively thought that having a baby would not change my life. It would not change my goals to become a dynamic career woman; that this child would not deter me from my desires.

That of course all changed the second Kaelen was placed into my arms. It was in that profound moment that I realized that I had discovered exactly what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. My dream job that I knew that I would never get bored, restless or unchallenged at. After two years, this hasn't changed, however, I find now that I yearn, covet and dream of being a full time stay at home mom. To be there to teach Kaelen everything and anything.

Just yesterday, sitting in my office at work, I found that I got into an argument with a colleague about stay at home moms and working moms. He argued that I would be bored at home and that it wouldn't be fair to Kaelen to have me at home with him. He felt that Kaelen and children in general need breaks from their parents and that they are behind socially when at home with their moms all day. He also stated that Moms needed breaks too and it was unhealthy overall for the entire family dynamics.

I have to admit that I got completely offended and upset by these comments; I felt like his comments were completely ignorant. The ironic thing is that prior to becoming a mom, I would have likely agreed with him. After debating with him for another fifteen minutes about the positive merits of having me at home with Kaelen, I realized that this conversation just wasn't going to go anywhere.

For him, his wife and their children, I guess this works for them. Both of the parents work full time and both parents take at least two trips a year without the kids. Both Paul and I work full time and literally count the minutes that we can speed home and be with Kaelen. I haven't been on a trip since having him and I don't miss it. I want to spend my days with Kaelen. I want to be the one to teach him all of the silly things yet all of the important things. I want to be the one who on a bad day, just wants to climb up the wall with craziness. I just can't imagine not wanting to be with my child as motherhood is so much more rewarding than any job or any pay cheque. That is the career that I want. It is the career that I covet and it is the career that I am going to strive to make happen for me.

Does anyone have $200K that they can impart with to pay off my mortgage and debts so I can at least get a kick start to the career path of my choice?