Blood, Sex and Everything In Between

So it is official: I have a form of Thrombophilia, specifically Protein S and Antithrombin deficiencies. One will never know for sure, but it is certainly indicative that this disorder could be the reasoning behind my multiple miscarriages. I have the hereditary form of these disorders so it begs to question: Who decided to share this with me? My mom or my dad? I guess we will know that my Dad had this if my mom tests negative and should he be the one that passed this on to me, it would certainly beg to question as to whether this was the cause of his death twenty years ago. This is also a disorder that I have a 50% chance of passing on to my offspring.

This is a blood disorder puts a person at a higher risk for clots to the legs and/or lungs and in extreme cases, strokes or heart attacks. Women who have this disorder, it is also thought to be the contributing factor for miscarriages and/or still births. The positive in this, is that in most cases, treating this disorder can be a simple as taking a baby aspirin and/or blood thinner for the rest of one's life. There are certainly more extreme and serious cases out there so let's keep our fingers crossed that I will only ever have to deal with the low risk case.

So, how does knowing that I have this disorder help me? It is no secret that I would give my eye teeth to have another baby, so knowing that I have this disorder can possibly help me carry a healthy pregnancy. As with everything there are no guarantees and there is always that chance of miscarriage when trying to have a baby, but in the event I do get pregnant, I will have to start a daily regiment of self administering Low Molecular Weight Heparin. This is a blood thinner that is injected into your fatty tissues so it can enter the blood stream quicker than an orally taken blood thinner. In addition, I will continue to take the baby aspirin on a daily basis. I won't lie that the thought of giving myself a needle makes me a little squeamish (despite me being completely indifferent to needles) and that I have already imagined a hundred gruesome scenarios like sneezing just as I push the needle into my fat rolls and the needle breaks as I have sneezed so hard that it looks like I have had a mini seizure; but I guess I will find out quickly if I was ever cut out to be a registered nurse (that is what I wanted to be growing up).

The next step for me now is to stalk my husband and have him impregnate me. People think that this is the time for fun, the time where you just relax and go with the flow. These people were never obviously challenged with trying to seduce an overworked and exhausted husband who is actually married to his job of late. Believe me the task of seduction, ensuring that he will stay awake long enough to perform and trying to time it right for my body is a daunting task at best. Lets just say that neither my erotic dancing nor seduction attempts cut the mustard of late. Hmm ... Carolyn, if you happen to read this ... When does that Pole Dancing class start? Can I join in with you?

It is hard too, because people tell people like me to relax; that it will just happen. Little do they realize that it is really very hard to accept that when you have experienced miscarriages and the uncertainty if you will ever feel the joy of a newborn in your arms again. You get the advice from countless of women who have conceived successfully; whether it is to "Keep the Deposit In" which has worked in both cases for my friend Debbie, or to "Lie on your back with your feet in the air against a wall" which in Lisa's case worked for her or the hundreds of people that claim that you need to have sex everyday from Day 12 to Day 21. When it comes down to it, no one has control as it is Nature's Will that will dictate whether I get pregnant or not. That is the hardest to accept as I am not the one in control of the situation. It is not something that I can necessarily do right or wrong to ensure success (other than ensuring that I am actually getting sex from my husband). And of course, impatience also plays a HUGE factor into all.

All in all, after meeting with the specialist last week, for the first time in a year, I am infused with hope. Hope that my desire for another child will actually come true sometime in the near future. Hope that Kaelen will be blessed with a sibling to play with. I know that I am blessed to already have one child, but I am selfish too because one child is just not enough for this mommy.