Finding Strength

The time has come for me to buck up and take control of my own destiny. Destiny in the form of ...... exercise. Yep. Just hearing that word practically causes me to vomit, muscles seize up and my butt provides the illusion of being 20 lbs heavier, hence forcing me to sit down in an effort to give my poor overtaxed legs a break. So, in an effort to take control, I have come up with the bird brain idea that I will sacrifice well deserved sleep and awaken upon the first chirp of a bird, without a coffee, to go for a run.

Okay, seriously now, I will likely walk for the first couple of days to help my body adjust to the sudden shock of punishment and then will slowly introduce the running movement (provided my brain and body can cooperate with one another). I have always had a dream to participate in a marathon and the goal was to accomplish that before turning 40. In a couple of months I will be 37, and training for a run as such takes anywhere from 1 - 2 years so it is now or never for me.

The alarm has been set for 5:30 am tomorrow morning - and this is a late one for me as I do not have daycare kids tomorrow. Other mornings, particularly come summer, that alarm will chime at 4:00 am so I can get my run in before hubby goes to work, which is usually 5:30 am in the peak of golf season. Just thinking of that causes my stomach to churn and sudden ailments show signs of popping up like a tweaked knee or ankle. It has me wondering if my son, who is 4 and begging to do a running race with me this year, could push me in the jogging stroller each morning while I enjoy that much needed cup of coffee. Now that, is my ideal form of exercise. Until that actually happens, I will take off tomorrow in hopes that I don't fall on ice, pull a hamstring, get lost or just down right walk too far away from home that I can't make it back. But don't worry .... I will be equipped with my cell phone and of course money just in case I happen to pass out right in front of the coffee shop.

Spring Time

Finally, I mean finally, there is hope that spring has actually arrived. And while it is a true toss up between Summer and Autumn being my favourite time of year, this year, spring is giving those two seasons a real run for their money. For me, it seems like the never ending winter. It was cold, icy and ugly. There were not a ton of days where we could play outside and create adventures in a white winter wonderland. And for me, that meant many days being couped up in my house with 6 kids climbing the walls. With that came the dawning realization that running a daycare has provided the perfect form of birth control for me. There are days where I feel like a failure, becoming easily frustrated and resentful of feeling like a prisoner of never ending days. I mean, if I can't handle 10 hours a day, five days a week with more than 2 children, how on earth could I handle 24/7?

HOWEVER, the snow has almost melted away completely, leaving forth brown grass with vibrant green patches starting to sprout. It means that I can spend my days outside creating hours of adventures for said above kids discovering everything from bugs to hidden pirate treasures to dinosaur bones. It means long walks, bike rides, road hockey rumbles and swinging from monkey bars. It means hours of running, laughing, more running and screams of excitement. It means discovering the mysteries of running in a sprinkler in our newly landscaped backyard (80% completed in November of last year), to digging to new worlds yet undiscovered in the huge sandbox in said backyard.

This also means that there is a beckoning light called sunshine on a daily basis infusing me with energy and health, which in turn will mean tired little monkeys at the end of each day because finally, they will be the ones hard pressed to keep up with me. Sigh .... yes .... spring is almost here and it is heavenly.

YOU CAPTURE - WEEK FIVE

Another week, another challenge, another adventure filled with fun and laughter. This week was a hard one because up until two days ago, the only reflection that I was able to capture was that of myself in the mirror. However, Mother Nature took mercy on me and provided a weekend filled with torrential rain to melt away the large banks of snow, hence providing puddles for the kids to play in and the warmth of sunshine on our cheeks.

So folks, here is what I managed to come up with. And yes, the last one captured the flash on our butt ugly tinted kitchen windows. At least, for the first time in a year since we've owned this house, I actually like the tint purely because my daughter was captured within it. On a side note, anyone have an idea how to get that tint off?

Would you like to play along, or see what others have come up with? Head on over here because take my word for it - there are some pretty spectacular photos!

YOU CAPTURE - WEEK 4

IS IT GOTHAM'S BAT .......

.... OR THE WHITTINGHAM'S CAT?

Yep - we are in week four folks, and the challenge was Shadows. To see other participants or if you would like to join in too, head on over here! Next week's challenge? Reflections. Hmmm .... and I thought that this week was a tough one.

My Princess

She was the light at the end of that dark tunnel,
She taught me to overcome my fears and to take that leap of faith to believe that all will be okay,
She was the soothing balm of my broken heart from the moment we touched skin to skin;
And from every moment there on in, my heart was filled with loving pride and contentment.

Two years of bliss have passed by yet it feels like a minute,
And despite some shadows still being there, she is my sunshine that warms me from within.
She makes me laugh and she makes me cry but most of all, it is the moist wet kisses and tight hugs within that tiny embrace that makes me feel alive.

She is beautiful, she is precious;
She is smart and vivacious,
She is compassionate and independent.

In short, she is perfection; my perfection and I can't get enough of her.

Dragon Breath

I was warned that his breath could become smelly, but nothing could prepare me for this noxious fume. It is toxic at it's best and perhaps it is a good thing that Kaelen is so congested and stuffed up (a surgery side effect). The good news is that this means that he is healing well and quickly and that we may only have to endure this stench for another couple of days. But wow, trust me when I say that it is bad. We brush his teeth every couple of hours to try to provide him with a fresher tasting mouth and sadly, he isn't allowed to gargle for risk that liquids could seep into the surgical area and irritate it. Another kicker is that Kaelen does not like to chew gum and dislikes the taste of peppermint so breath mints are out of the picture as well.

Other than the foul smell emanating from him, he seems to be doing very well. Already he has commented on how he can hear much better out of his right ear and we have noticed that his decibel output when trying to talk to us has come down a level or two. If he pushes himself, then the fever, nausea and pain come back but if he stays calm and somewhat stationery, there is no pain or anything. We have four more days of holding him back and then after that, we can let him set the pace for himself on his activities.

Someone pinch me because this seems too easy. Too easy in the sense that all is going well with no hiccups so far. We always have to go the difficult route - it is something that was genetically coded into us.

Super Trooper

That was the first song that popped into my head yesterday and as per usual, I changed the words as I sang it to my little super trooper. He was fabulous - a nurse and surgeon's dream. No crying, no fear and fully cooperative with lots of smiles and thank yous. Can you believe it? He even thanked everyone for taking good care of him without any prompting from me!


We checked into the hospital at 6:00 am, he rolled into surgery at 7:45 am, back to recovery by 9:00 am and back to home on the couch by 10:30 am. We were the first surgery of the day and we also lucked out as our neighbour was the OR nurse. Having that familiar face when Mommy could no longer be there was like having icing on the cake. Truly.

And, my little super trooper is great! He was in great spirits despite being swollen and dopey yesterday and we did have a little blip at about 4:00 pm when a high fever and nausea set in for about 6 hours. He did sleep through the night and today we have been hard pressed to keep him from swinging off the chandeliers. He is refusing medicine and frustrated because we won't let him play hockey. Appetite is there today and ya - it is just like any ordinary day despite him still being swollen in the face. At the risk of jinxing myself, it has been really easy so far.

And the best news? The surgeon said that the blockage was huge - bigger than he has seen for quite some time and we will notice an immediate difference within a couple of days. In addition to this, he also felt that Kaelen would likely not need any speech therapy as the blockage was so large, it was actually physically hindering him from being able to articulate certain consonants and such. So, not only will Kaelen now hear better, he will likely be able to speak better too!

Masyn was completely out of sorts yesterday too because she knew something was up with Kaelen. She wouldn't leave him alone, trying to hug him and bring him toys all day long. When he wasn't responsive to her or sleeping, she would start to cry and point to him saying "owie". It was very endearing to see her so concerned about her big brother and amazing too. How could I have ever feared that they couldn't have an incredible, close sibling bond due to being the opposite sex? Funny when we look back and reflect on our naivety isn't it?

Thank you for your well wishes - they certainly helped with the outcome of success for us!

Something To Tell

I have like a million posts that have been uploaded in my mind; just not onto my computer. Somewhere in between, there seems to be a malfunctioning glitch causing stories and pictures to be somehow not make it onto my laptop and in turn, proudly displayed on this web page. There just never seems to be enough hours in the day to get it done with running a daycare and all and come night time, I turn into a pumpkin by 8:30 pm once my children have hit the hay. I tell you, those little stinkers during the day give me a run for my money on imagination and being active. They of late are consistently scoring the knock out punches and I can't help but wonder who really is in control on a daily basis. Perhaps I need a new trainer in my corner or sports psychologist to help me through the defeating, traumatizing moments. Anyone know of a good one that comes cheap?

So, I need you all to send a little love to us tomorrow K? I haven't shared this with you all but Kaelen might be having surgery tomorrow. We have to arrive to the hospital by 6:00 am and within two hours, be assessed by the anesthesiologist and surgeon as to whether Kaelen is healthy enough to undergo surgery. He is just on the tail end of a cold so the question is whether or not he is too congested in the chest to undergo the magic sleep potion.

What is he having surgery for? Well, to have his ears drained and his adenoids removed. This is a sensitive subject for me so please be kind. Kaelen has never had an ear infection (that we know of) but has been consistently complaining of a sore ear deep inside since we moved. And, as many of you know, we have been dealing with his supposed speech issues for too long in my opinion. Lately, he was complaining that he couldn't hear out of his ear either so that prompted me to make an appointment to get this resolved once and for all. As per the norm, nothing was wrong with his ears yet our new family doctor was concerned about his enunciation in his speech; big surprise (note sarcasm please). So off we went to see a ear, nose, throat specialist for his consistent ear complaints. Imagine to my surprise when I was told that Kaelen's is experiencing mild hearing loss and that the surgery is necessary to avoid permanent partial hearing loss. Uh huh. And I didn't deal with it so good either.

You see, Kaelen has seen three different "specialists" because everyone that we meet comments on Kaelen's enunciation. One specialist said there was nothing was wrong with him, another thought that it was a mild issue that would get resolved once he entered the school system and the third was so obsessed with him being premature that she was labelling him with a list of deficiencies a mile long. This new specialist after carefully examining him, said that it was a crying shame that he didn't get to see Kaelen at least 3 years ago because "all of this" could have been avoided. Not once, in his previous three visits, did he ever receive a hearing test, which is standard given speech issues. If those hearing tests had been done, it would have been discovered that Kaelen's ears don't drain effectively, therefore causing him to not effectively hear a certain decibel frequency range. Basically, to Kaelen (even though he doesn't know it) the sounds "th", "r", "s", "ch" and "k" are muffled. And as we all know, learning languages requires us to hear because we mimic those sounds in our attempt to communicate. The reason why Kaelen's ears aren't draining is because his adenoids are over developed, meaning that they are larger than normal and are putting consistent pressure on the ear drums. After doing careful research, I have discovered that what we are dealing with is in fact common for premature babies and that this doctor just might be right after all. So, to avoid any further hearing loss, we must get this surgery done. Kaelen will never recover what he has lost to date but, we can at least stop any further damage. And, after the surgery, come a couple of months down the road, he will work with a specialist to somehow learn how to make those consonant sounds and how to hear them (as they sound muffled and distorted to him).

So selfishly, although in the big picture of the world, this is so truly minor, to me as a Mommy, this is big. This is my baby who I will watch be put to sleep and wake up sore. This is my baby that I feel has been let down by mistakes and in my opinion incompetence and now he is paying the price for it. This is my baby who I feel that I have let down because I wasn't persistent enough nor diligent enough to follow through on answers that I wasn't satisfied with.

I just pray that he is healthy enough to undergo the surgery tomorrow as this is already the second attempt to get it done. Last week it was cancelled due to an emergency in the OR room and I would hate to see it postponed again due to a cold. The longer we wait, the more nervous he becomes and believe me when I say that he can become very dramatic. So, until tomorrow ....

YOU CAPTURE - WEEK 3

This week's challenge was Texture. Uh huh ... it was a toughy. I contemplated taking a picture of the butt ugly ceilings in this house, but I couldn't effectively capture the shiny sparkles the stucco.

I did however happen to capture this: A crystaline crocodile teardrop perched so precariously on my daughter's face.


Head on over here to see what others came up with, or, if you would like to participate too!

Tickle Me Tuesday

I will freely admit now that the past few weeks have been difficult ones for me but I hit a eureka moment this past Friday. I am not sure what caused it, but it was like a huge ray of sunshine broke through the dark, dreary clouds and it embraced me with its rays of hope and warmth. I feel hope where before I felt like I was sinking, I feel humour where before it was despair and I am starting to feel peace where before it was chaos.

I sit back and think, what caused this radical change? Well, I decided to paint my finger nails (and Masyn's), I also trimmed up the massive caterpillar living above my eyes. I am on day four of actually putting on makeup and making an attempt to have a hair style. I am making a point of eating breakfast and cutting down on my coffee consumption. In short, I have decided that I needed to take care of me. That I needed to spend time to take care of me so I can in turn effectively take care of everyone else around me.

Life can be challenging. In one moment, it can catch up to you and seem so overwhelming. For me, it has felt like we have been riding a roller coaster for the past year. I look back on last year and think to myself, "Wow ... you actually survived". And that is when I was supposed to reflect on the New Year and say, "Wow ... all is great". Instead, nothing has slowed down for us. We are continuing to live in that swirling vortex of chaos and it was starting to feel lonely and defeating. But, thankfully and curiously, something changed for me on Friday and I feel good and ready to take on the challenges that life is presenting me. I have the energy to defeat the bad in our lives and change it into good.

So, wish me luck as I am about to don my suit of armor to slay a few dragons this week.

Remote Control

Get ready to sit down, grab that blanket, a cup of coffee, water or heck, even a beer and most importantly: the remote. Relax a little knowing that housework will go by the way side and the children may get a little neglected. Of course, you could always hire a babysitter if needed, or, if you get lucky like me, your children may buy into the program just as much as you have.

Aside from the Stanley Cup playoffs and our dream of the Vancouver Canucks actually winning the coveted title of 2009 Champions, the next best thing is happening in the sporting world: The Tim Horton's Brier. A full week of curling is taking place in my former stomping grounds of Calgary, Alberta, and with three draws a day being telecast on TSN, it is like a dream come true for this household.

Don't know much about curling, or you think that it is boring or not a lot of fun? I guarantee you that you will change your mind if you head over here. And just as it so happens, one of the writers is a fabulous friend of mine who is probably one of the most fun and down to earth people that I know. She will change your mind on the game of curling with her knowledgeable experience in the game as well as her quirky sense of humour.

So my friends, I encourage you to take a load off of your feet and kick back for at least one game. Give it a try and I swear that you will like it. As for me? Well the kids are both sick and they both happen to enjoy watching the game because they have watched Mommy and Daddy do the same, just not on the level that the pros are doing it at. And that my friends, makes me a lucky Mommy this week.

YOU CAPTURE - WEEK TWO

It is week two of You Capture and the challenge for the week was Perspective. This was certainly a challenging one for me in the sense that I have taken at least a hundred pictures and just couldn't figure out which one to use.

Here is the winner. Over the Christmas holidays, we received huge amounts of snow. And, thanks to our neighbour who loves to use his snow blower at any given chance, our yard has more snow than most ski hills in the area. The neighbourhood kids got together while we were away during the holidays and built a maze of snow tunnels throughout the yard. Needless to say, those tunnels have provided many hours of adventures for my kids, the daycare kids and all of the neighbourhood kids. And yes, despite the fact that these tunnels were made for wee gaffers, I managed to squeeze my body into one of the tunnels to grab this shot of my son poking his head in from one of the other openings.

Just One of Those Days

I declare today as official blah day. A day where in one moment life can seem mundane yet within a millisecond it can become overwhelming. It can be a day where the boring routine of the day just makes you want to beat your head against the wall or it could even bring you comforting excitement of knowing exactly what is going to happen at any given time.

For me, today feels never ending. I am stuck so deep in a rut that I have no clue on how to go about getting out of it. I am beyond sensitive about my life that it makes the hairs on the back of my neck resemble spikes when a family member attempts to offer me their opinion on the issues at hand. And the worst thing about this day? Is that I feel so utterly alone. I am usually good with feeling alone but today, it feels isolated. It feels that no one understands and that I am in short a head case. I think that I am a good communicator, but I don't know how to go about and express what I am feeling. And, in any attempt that I have made, the end result makes me feel like I have failed for I always end up frustrated, selfish and apologizing for not effectively conveying what it is that is bothering me.

But, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and all it takes to turn my day around (or at least stop me from mulling it over for a short term) is a look from one of my children. THANK GOD I have these two because they are my constant source of happiness, inspiration, pride and hope.

Daddy Time

Out of all of the pictures that I have been snapping lately, I think that this has got to be my favourite one so far. I love the little crystal left over tear on her cheek, the sheen on her lips and the dainty snot coming from her nose. I love the fact that she crawled into Daddy's arms for some comfort and cuddle time. When I look at this picture, I get the warm fuzzies and fall in love with my husband all over again and get teary when looking at my gorgeous, cherubic daughter.