A Sad Party

As I had mentioned last week, I made the long trip back to my hometown to attend a funeral. The trip on a good day takes anywhere 6 - 7 hours depending on the traffic; add into the equation a preschooler and a breastfeeding infant and well ... you are basically guaranteed to make it a 9 hour road trip. Luckily, I have an aunt that lives half way so she graciously accepted to take Kaelen for the night so I could attend the funeral (bringing Masyn with me seeing as I am breastfeeding). Aside from having to attend the funeral, this would be a hard emotional trip for me as it was going to be the longest that I would have been away from Kaelen since having him.

Anticipating that Kaelen might have issues of me leaving him with my aunt, I explained to him during the drive that Mommy had to attend a sad party for Auntie Leigha. That Auntie Leigha's Daddy left suddenly and she would not be able to see him again. And that there would be a lot of people crying because they were sad. I had tried to explain heaven to Kaelen earlier at home and all I got was a blank stare of incomprehension so I figured I would try to explain the situation to him on his level. Kaelen seemed to understand my story quite easily and was quite excited to stay with his Aunt Janny knowing that he would be having fun while Mommy and Masyn were going to be sad.

As I was driving away from my Aunt Janny's house continuing on with my road trip to my hometown, it felt very lonely and quiet. Looking over my shoulder and seeing no car seat with an energetic and exuberant little boy smiling back at me, I braced myself for a very tough 18 hours to come. Three hours later I arrived to my mom's house and settled in for a long night of missing Kaelen and getting up to feed Masyn. Again ... it felt lonely and quiet but I took solace in cuddling with Masyn and knowing that my son was being well cared for. That morning I of course had to call my aunt to see if all was okay and wouldn't you know it: Kaelen was having the time of his life, totally forgetting all about his Mommy for the short term.

I pack up Masyn and our things and head off to the funeral. It was a truly beautiful service and interesting as half of it was a traditional Russian service. Seeing Leigha who is like a little sister to me, so broken up literally broke my heart and I felt a moment of being completely insignificant; knowing that I couldn't do anything to help ease her pain. I speak that from experience having lost my Dad suddenly albeit 21 years ago. Right at the end of the service, Masyn crapped herself silly and it leaked all the way up her back so I had to make a quick exit back to the van and did not have the chance to give another loving hug to Leigha and her family. Quickly cleaning Masyn up, breastfeeding her sitting in the back of the van and then a costume change for myself, I started getting excited knowing that I was heading back to my little man. As I was driving the three hours back to my aunt's place, I envisioned a heart warming reunion of him yelling "Mommy! Mommy!" as I pulled into their driveway. Um ... no ... he could have cared a less really. He was having so much fun playing with his cousin Nicole and her friend that I did get a "Mommy" but it was more like a fleeting glance and then was back to playing again.

Throughout that afternoon, I kept trying to cuddle with Kaelen and tell him how much I loved him and missed him but he wanted no part of it. Poor Mommy. Things all changed though at bedtime. As I was cuddling Kaelen and putting him to bed, he wrapped his strong little arms around me and said: "Me love you Mommy. Me missed you too!". That was followed by a heart melting hug and big sloppy kisses. I have to admit that I almost burst out in tears right then and there but Kaelen saved the best for last. It went a little like this:

Kaelen: "Mommy go to the sad party?"
Mommy: "Yes Kaelen. Mommy did. It was sad but very pretty."
Kaelen: "Mommy. Know what?"
Mommy: "What is that Kaelen?"
Kaelen: "Me a Super Hero!"
Mommy: " Really now ... what kind of Super Hero"
Kaelen: "A big and strong Super Hero! Me find Auntie Leigha new Daddy so she can be happy!"
Mommy: "Oh Kaelen ... you are the perfect Super Hero!"
Kaelen: "Mommy .... will Leigha still have a sad party with a new Daddy?"
Mommy: "Probably Kaelen but she will be happy"
Kaelen: "Me love you Mommy".
Mommy: "I love you too Kaelen. More than you will ever know."

In that moment, I felt that I must be doing something right in raising this beautiful little boy.