My Inner Bitch

Yes, we all have one; an inner bitch. There are those truly gifted people though that can control it and never let it come forth and I sadly am not one of those.

Last night after a long day at work, the last thing that I felt like doing was rushing home to make dinner. My sister was in the area and was a true incredible auntie by picking the little man up from daycare for me. We decided that dining out for dinner had an incredible appeal.

There is this nice little establishment up the road from my house and one side of it is a family restaurant. We have only been there maybe twice in the past two years but both times have been decent. That side of the building is never really busy (the other side is a pub) so it would also give Kaelen some breathing room to play around if necessary. Last night however, the place was a literal gong show. Every table had a family at it, kids are running around everywhere and the noise level was at its peak. It was perfect. Absolutely perfect. It kept Kaelen thoroughly entertained and also showcased him as a perfect little boy. The little boy with manners, who sat at his table, cheered on the hockey game and kept asking his mommy for a hug. When his supper arrived, when asked if he wanted a bite out of his hamburger, his reply would be "Yes. Yes please".

One family in particular tweaked my inner bitch throughout our entire dinner. Sitting directly across from us were four children ranging from the ages of 4 - 11 and all four children would be what I could describe as obese. The parents weren't much better. The mom kept yelling at the young boy (around the age of 4, who wouldn't quit wailing) and telling him "You are really pissing me off. Now shut up and eat your mashed potatoes or else I will NEVER, EVER, take you out for dinner again". Meanwhile, the three girls at the table are shovelling in the french fries covered in gravy as fast as they could and were whining that they wanted more. Before you knew it, a fresh round of deep fried grease arrived at their table and this family literally dove onto the table to inhale it.

I shouldn't be one to judge really. I am not a model person nor can I claim that I am the perfect parent, however, as I sat at my table watching this family, I was completely disgusted. Disgusted that the parents would allow their children to become extremely overweight, that the children didn't seem to have much respect for their parents or others around them and that the parents seemed more interested in gluttoning themselves rather than paying attention to their children. I couldn't help but wonder if this family was truly happy because they all looked miserable. I had to fight this overwhelming urge to make a snide comment upon our leaving the restaurant because part of me wanted them to know just how much they disgusted me. That the parents have cheated their children out of so much due to their lack of self discipline or laziness.

Something stopped me though. Maybe it was because Kaelen put his little hand in mine and I realized that I was a bigger person than that. That here I was wanting to criticize them yet in reality, I would be stooping to their level if I did that, especially in front of my son. Perhaps I was supposed to see that delinquent family because it reminded me that you are only as good as you want to be. I want to be a good parent. The best actually. As I put my son to bed last night, holding him close to me for the ritual hugs and kisses good night, I silently promised myself that no matter how bad my days may seem to me, they can never get bad enough for me to neglect my children.