A Letter to Kaelen on Mother's Day

I decided that I am going to write a letter to Kaelen every Mother's Day to share with him, what it is like being his mommy. It is a tribute to both him and myself and it gives me the comfort of knowing that Kaelen will know how much he means to me. Perhaps I will give him these letters if he gets married, if he has children, or if he happens to be experiencing a tough time in life.

Perhaps blog sites will still be around in 20+ years and he will have the opportunity to read this site...who knows.


May 14, 2006

Dear Kaelen,

Today is Mother’s Day, May 14, 2006 and as this is a day to celebrate Mothers, I thought that I would celebrate by telling you what it is like to be your mother.

Perhaps you will read this in 20 years from now or maybe later, but I want to be able to share with you what it is like being your mom. It is often too easy to forget the special times, especially as we share so many together and I know that there are so many more to come.

Twenty months ago, on September 9, 2004, you blessed your dad’s and my life. You certainly had your own agenda then by giving us a bit of a scare coming so early. Within seconds of giving birth to you, you have owned my heart. I swear that my heart doubled in size when the doctor told me that I had a son and you were placed into my arms and it was then, that I knew what love was really about. I felt like I had conquered the world; I felt happiness like I had never experienced before. You were so perfect, so small and you fit perfectly into my arms. I can’t explain to you how difficult it was to give you back to the nursing staff so they could take care of you, and especially when I was released from the hospital and you had to remain. Not for one second did I not think about you and miss you in my arms. I think the second happiest time in my life is when the nursing staff in the Special Care Nursery, told your dad and I that you could come home. It was like we had won the lottery. We were excited yet nervous but could barely suppress the urge just to grab you and run home to hold you and just look at you; and that we did. I used the excuse of Kangaroo care to justify holding you at all times, but in reality, it was that I couldn’t get enough of you.

I would literally count the hours by clock work, so I could feed you, cuddle you and be with you. As you started to grow, within two months, no one could tell that you were a premature baby. You continued on with your own agenda of gaining weight by the day, growing like a weed and watching the world around you. You were, and still are such a wonderful baby. My baby. My precious little boy. Before I knew it, you were celebrating your 1st birthday. All I could think about was: where did that year go? Part of me was devastated as you were growing up too quickly for me, guilty because Mommy was grieving and hadn’t the proper time to host the perfect party for you, yet another part of me was bursting with pride as if you were the first kid to have ever turned 1. You were barely crawling on your birthday, inheriting from your mother what we dubbed, “The Military Crawl”. Then I blinked my eyes and it was Christmas. We were both a mess; you with your teeth knocked around and mommy with another partially broken heart, but we had each other and your amazing Daddy. As a family, we got through it all together.

You started walking in February, being a bit of a late bloomer but as I stated before; you always adhere to your own agenda. You are just now trying to talk and you warm my heart every time you yell “Mum”. The adventures that we go on now are so anticipated by me and exciting for you. Your inquisitive little mind is always on the go and you are so insistent on trying everything. If Mommy vacuums, so does Kaelen; if Mommy does laundry, so does Kaelen; my perfect little helper. What ever Mommy or Daddy does, you want to try. With this brings so much laughter as you are so prideful of yourself when you attempt each challenge. You look to us with a big beautiful smile on your face and usually start clapping your hands or giving us “high fives” upon each success. Should you fail? Then you look at us, start smiling and yell “Boooo” with your pointer finger facing downwards.

Never have I once ever thought that being your mom is hard. I have loved every single moment and would never trade our experiences. I savour every moment and get impatient for our next moments together. Each smile, hug, kiss and laugh makes me fall in love with you a little more. I am so proud to be your mother and it is a priviledge that I will always honor for the rest of my life. Kaelen, you are a true blessing to me. You soothe Mommy’s hurts and inspire Mommy to be all that she can be as a Mom. I look forward to all of our new adventures together and watching you grow. Thank you for enriching my life and words can not do justice of how much you mean to me and how much I love you.

Love Always and Forever,
Mommy