Yes, we are alive

Why is it so hard to find the time to sit down and blog? I mean, others find the time and way to do it, why can't I?

There is not a day that goes by that I don't have that inner mind dialogue plotting out what I am going to write about, yet after a day at work with people in my face and starring at a computer all day long, the last thing that I want to do is come home and blog. Instead, I want to try to find the pleasure in my children and focus on not feeling rushed with getting dinner ready, help with homework, bath the kids and then put them to bed.

Maybe I should invest in dragon dictation or a program that does voice recognition for doctors. If a computer program could do that for me, post along with pictures, then I would certainly be in big business!!

So. How are you?

A Year In Review .... The Whittingham Chapter

Yes, the blogging dedication, talent and inspiration went into the toilet this year. Like one big flush and we were gone. 2010 has been a busy one for us and much to my surprise and secret irritation (when YOU make those comments about me never being here), there are people who read this.

Ahem yes. Funny when the whole idea of the blog was to keep family in touch with our lives and amazingly, when you stop blogging, you hear from the lurkers asking me if we are dead. So my dear, loving, endearing and ever loyal family and friends, starting tomorrow, over the next four days, you will get to read an epic narration of the achievements, surprises and yes, ahem, mistakes that the four of us have made and learned from throughout this year.

And because it is the kids that you truly care about and, I am a Mom so rarely miss an opportunity to chat about my children, we will begin with our little hockey buff, Kaelen. It is such riveting reading that I suggest that you come back tomorrow prior to dinner to avoid any chances of this website causing blogger to crash due to so many hits.

The 2nd Annual Pumpkin Quest

On Friday, the kids and I went on our 2nd Annual Pumpkin Quest searching for the perfect pumpkin to add to our Halloween festivities. The pumpkin patch is actually a pumpkin barn, which is so much fun compared to shopping for a pumpkin in the grocery store. The only thing better would be to crawl through the actual patch to pick one ourselves. After my attempt to grow them last year, we have decided that visiting the local farm is a much, much more viable option.

Last year, we went a week earlier and wow - the selection was amazing and the kids had a blast. This year? One week later makes a big difference - the pickings were slim, however we made it a successful trip coming home with three gourds. They were not of course, as big as we had hoped, but nevertheless, we got three and also supported our local farmers market in doing so.

Now we are eagerly waiting to carve them up and roast those fine, delicious seeds. The argument in our house is when is the right time to carve them up. Hubby thinks that you can only do it the night before, but I am wanting to do it earlier so we can light it up nightly to enjoy it for a bit ... you know, kinda of like just sitting there and admiring a Christmas tree. So the question begs: when is the right time to carve up the pumpkin?

Discovering that Missing Something

It has been so easy to get caught up in the hectic pace of life. There never seems to be time to get things done, money to pay for life's essentials nor the money to do the extra specials in life. You start your day running and end it in complete exhaustion yet always feeling like you haven't done enough, forgotten to do something or yearning for more. No one really tells you just how hard life in general is, about how it is all about balance and the key is searching for that balance.

You want the absolute best for your children so you give as much as you can. This may mean you take on extra shifts, work overtime, let them go to bed a half an hour later because you don't want to spoil the moment you have with them, yet know that you will pay for it the next day because they are tired. It means that your marriage gets strained because you are both trying to achieve the same goal and are getting burnt out doing so. It is easy to snap at one another and forget that they are having the same feelings of being overwhelmed, are tired and at a loss of how to change the current cycle of feeling incomplete.

It is so easy to forget your true blessings because the responsibility of paying bills and raising children is such a focused oriented job. We try to be frugal in our every day life: we don't over spend, we try to budget to the point that we really have no adult social life. Our children are spoiled with our love and we try to minimize our need to treat them by buying them things. We instead try to focus on activities that we can do with the children. Like going for bike rides, playing outside, reading books, doing crafts and creating imaginative adventures.

I am truly blessed in all aspects of my life: I have two fabulous children, a solid marriage to a man that I love with all of my heart. I am surrounded by love with family and good friends. I have a great job that I love, and we are all healthy.

I have been missing something of late and I have finally figured it out: I have been missing my outlet to share my life. I have been feeling guilty for not capturing my children's truly magical moments as much as I used to. I have been missing that sounding board that you get when you share your thoughts with others and getting the constructive feedback or encouraging support. So in short, I am back. And I am back for good. Oh, I may not be posting everyday, but I can tell you that I will be here many times throughout a week. I need to do this for my children and most importantly, for me.

An Apple A Day, Keeps the Doctor Away

Huh. After months of prolonged absence, sporadic postings and mucho complaining, it appears that I am a lucky girl indeed. I DO have people who actually read my feeble attempts of putting life's challenges into words from the perspective of an often lonely, overworked, flighty yet dramatic housewife. And I do thank you from the bottom of my heart for caring, reading and leaving a comment whether it is on this site, or via the standard lurker format of an email or threatening phone call accusing me of leaving the planet Earth.


So, what has brought all of this on? Well, to be truthful, I wish it were something adventurous like living through a temperamental volcano mood swing like my good buddy Dader is experiencing right now. Or even something as distinguished as Goofball has suggested like publishing a book chronicling my life's most humbling and embarrassing moments to even suggesting that I am NASA's newest employee. I wish. I would make a most excellent astronaut and would be the first to volunteer to be hooked up to a hose and fix an external blip of our shuttle. And no, however I may dream for an "oops" moment to occur much to my husband's horror, there will not be another playmate for my children. I think my husband would rather conquer his fear of heights by bungee jumping off of the Eiffel Tower than be informed that he is going to be a Daddy again.

Instead, this exciting announcement is all about me, personally. You see, for the past two years I have struggled. I have struggled with feeling like a failure for not being able to obtain employment, so taking the bull by the horns, I took upon opening a daycare within my home. Two years later, I am done with it. It has been an excellent experience for me and a privilege to care for other people's children but my days were getting too long. Particularly during the golf season when my husband is never around. I was beginning to get resentful of never having me time. For being around children 24/7 and always making meals, cleaning the house or doing yardwork. It has taken me a long time to accept the truth that I am not the special kind of person that is needed to be able to do that kind of stuff. Instead, I want to appreciate every moment with my children without feeling resentful of being around them all of the time. I want to enjoy my house. I want to feel happy and not beaten down. I want to be social and not being too tired or touched out to do so. So my doors are officially closing in that chapter of my life labelled DAYHOME, come the end of the month.

Now I get to focus on the next chapter of my life: OFFICE MOTHER. I received a fantastic opportunity that I am super grateful to have been approached with and ultimately offered employment. Commencing the beginning of July, I will be working on a part time basis for an Ear, Nose, Throat Specialist's office. I will be trained in all aspects of the working environment short of being a surgery assistant. I will be able to utilize my rusty administrative skills, my overachieving organizations skills and fulfill that need for socializing by offering positive yet compassionate customer service to all of the doctor's patients. Within two years, my position will phase into full time (if I want) and it is with hopes of both parties (mine and the doctor) that we evolve into a stellar team that can conquer all medical challenges within that field for years to come. The doc and I are of the same age, with our children the same age, so ideally, he is hoping that I will remain with him up until time of his retirement. So, Miss Sara, no, this means that we will not be moving back to Calgary anytime soon, unless Paul is offered some swanky high paying job.

Most importantly out of all of this, is that I am feeling like I am getting control of my life again. Already the excitement is there to learn and do something challenging and new. I am looking forward to having the opportunity to do things at my son's school (because I will only be working part time), as well as at my daughter's, who will begin preschool come the fall. It means that will be able to spend time with my children and enjoy every moment of life with them again. I can focus solely upon them rather than having to share my time with them and other children. It means that I could have time for me and do things for me like start up running again or have a coffee date with a friend. For the first time in two years, life feels full of possibilities again rather than feeling like I am stuck in a rut. I look back upon our life since moving to Cranbrook and while I feel blessed with all that I have, it has been hard. It has been disappointing and it has been lonely. I found myself seeking validation and the need for appreciation being so alone but I was never finding what I was looking for. In the big picture, we are all busy. We are all overworked and have days where we feel totally unappreciated. I was dreaming of changing it, but was never given any kind of opportunity to do so ..... until now.

I feel so liberated. I feel so happy. There is a new spring in my step and I feel like I can conquer the world and all of the challenges that come with it. So, when I hit that first hurdle in the next few months and begin to question the whys of it all, just give me a gentle nudge okay? And, perhaps just maybe send me the link to this post to remind me of my own words and the feeling of this moment.